TRADE GRADE: Kenneth Walker III for Chris Olave

The trade market is heading up! Derek looks to redeem himself after being taken to the cleaners by his little brother. Kevin looks to find meaning in life in fantasy football as he lays on his couch all day, binging House, which I don’t recommend because when you watch a bunch in a row you realize how ridiculous the show is and how formulaic it was.

DEREK: B
This is a classic Buy Low move by Derek and he held his ground, only willing to give up his fourth best receiver. Kenneth Walker III could be a difference maker if Zach Charbonnet were to get hurt again. And even with Charbs around, Walker is always close to breaking a big play. The problem is that Zach isn’t hurt and he’s often outsnapped Walker. He’s also gotten the lion’s share of the red zone carries, making this the most frustrating backfield in fantasy football. That being said, Derek was going to start Tyjae Spears this week so even a frustrating week for Walker is better than the alternatives.

KEVIN: C-
The Gentleman loves him some target monsters. Olave will likely take over the league lead in targets this week; he’s currently one behind Puka Nacua. Needless to say, Chris isn’t having the same success with those targets as Puka is and, oddly enough, Olave’s worst game this season is the game when he actually scored a touchdown. The Gentleman painted themselves in a corner on draft night - or was pushed into the corner by the BULLSHIT Courtland Sutton bidding - by not investing in the WR position. Garrett Wilson’s injury made a trade a must. Olave wasn’t the top choice but, again, he’s a target monster and there are rumblings that he could be traded, which would likely boost his value. His targets will go down but being on a legitimate team should be a plus. Still, one hates to sell low on RB and Walker’s the better player in this deal. Sadly, the market for Kenny was weak and this is the best The Gentleman could do.

Week 6 Picks Review

A 5 - 3 week as Andy shocked the world and I continue to be unable to read Colin’s squad.

GAME OF THE WEEK

JOHNNY vs RAHUL - PICK: JOHNNY / WINNER: JOHNNY
Well, it wasn’t the highest scoring game of the week but it was the closest. Harrison Butker did Rahul a favor; if he’d made all of his extra points, Rahul would have lost by .1. This could be a sign that Johnny’s luck has changed as he managed a win despite losing Emeka Egbuka and Terrell Bernard mid-game. Jordyn Brooks continues his run as an MVP-esque candidate.

UPSET OF THE WEEK

BRENDAN vs THE GENTLEMAN - PICK: BRENDAN / WINNER: BRENDAN
Perhaps it was karma for not listening to the podcast this week, perhaps it was simply that I rely on too many Jets, but either way this was by far my worst week and now I’m down Garrett Wilson for a couple of weeks. This was a big win for Brendan who survived the CeeDee Lamb injury and is still 3- 3.

THE REST

ELI vs DEREK - PICK: ELI / WINNER: ELI
Week 1 of the infamous Davis Brothers trade was 44.1 - 26. On the bright side, Derek would have still lost with Ja’Marr and Darnold. Not a great sign when Bam Knight was the team’s highest scoring player besides the QB and kicker. Eli’s squad keeps rolling along and his pickup of Harold Fannin Jr. looks even better now that David Njoku got banged up. Eli’s team seems like it may be too well-balanced to have a last season collapse.

JUSTIN vs PLAYER #14 - PICK: JUSTIN / WINNER: PLAYER #14
Well, I guess the crazy spread was right. Monster games from Jayden Daniels, George Pickens, and Rico Dowdle overcame a goose egg from late pick-up Tyquan Thornton. Matthew Stafford and the Lions somehow being unable to score against the mess that is the Ravens defense was the latest surprise in this season of unpredictable results. The Travis Hunter experiment continues to be a whiff although it might have been pretty good this week had Justin gone with Wandale Robinson over Hassan Haskins.

DANA vs BERNIE - PICK: BERNIE / WINNER: BERNIE
I continue to be perfect when picking Bernie’s games and the king’s ransom that Bernie will get from Rahul to get Jaxson Dart just gets bigger and bigger.

BRETT vs COLIN - PICK: COLIN / WINNER: BRETT
The Fantasy Gods punished Colin to Abel-ing his brother. Ja’Marr chase put up 20 but much of the rest of his squad - and all of his Monday night guys - failed to muster up anything and Fred Warner looks like he could be lost for the season. Rhamondre Stevenson somehow plays like 70% of the snaps for New England and can only muster 1.8 points. It seems like New England focused so much on fixing the line’s pass blocking that they forgot how to run block now. It wasn’t much of a weekend for Brett but his team did just enough to eke out the win.

MARK vs ANDY - PICK: MARK / WINNER: ANDY
Jacobs & Maye - who I believe were a 1950s comedy troupe - proved to be too much for Mark, even with The McBarge adding Kimani Vidal to the menu. Mark might have had a fighting chance had he not lost both starting WRs to injury. Mark is going to need to work some magic to get by in these next few weeks without his WRs and Omarion Hampton. As for The Shady One, he shut up the critics for one week. Matthew Golden had a nice game, Jameson Williams got a TD, and he finally topped 120 points this year. He did lose Calvin Ridley to injury but is that even a loss? The only issue is that it means he might need to drop Will Shipley to pick up an actual NFL player.

TRADE GRADE: DAVIS BROTHERS COLLUSION?!

Listen, I never vote against trades but seriously, what’s going on with this? (Full disclosure: I’m even more bothered and am kicking myself for not offering the trades I was thinking of this week because it’s better than this.) I also find it suspicious that this trade was accepted after the podcast was released so there could be no reaction from the Dandyelions. SOMEONE TELL PLAYER #14 TO GET ON THE HORN TO HIS GIRL PAM BONDI TO INVESTIGATE THIS!

DEREK: F
Deebo Samuel has scored 2.3 points more than Ja’Marr Chase. Justin Herbert has scored 5.7 more points than Sam Darnold. In a vacuum, I guess that means this trade is even but I just don’t see how you can give up Ja’Maar for a reportedly banged-up Deebo just to mildly upgrade the QB position. ESPECIALLY when Derek is starting TreVeyon Henderson at RB. And he has to be concerned that Rachaad White has done enough in Bucky Irving’s absence to earn a bigger timeshare when Bucky comes back. AND Deebo is peaking right now because Terry McLaurin is out. I’d also note that Chase’s struggles have come against pretty great defenses and after this week against the Packers, Cincy’s schedule eases up. (To be fair, Deebo also has a decent schedule the rest of the way and nice playoff matchups.) DESPITE A SLOW START BY HIS STANDARDS, JA’MARR IS STILL THE 8TH RANKED WR IN FANTASY!
I questioned Derek’s stance about not making trades but now I’m thinking that he was right about it and should have stuck to his guns on riding with the guys he drafted.

COLIN: A+
This is an insane, league-altering, sell-high/buy-low deal. Ja’Marr is about to face the 26th, 15th, 25th, 28th, 26th, 23rd, and 31st ranked pass defenses before running into Buffalo in Week 14. The playoffs? Chase has got Baltimore, @Miami, and Arizona. If I take off my glasses and get drunk enough, COLIN does start to look a lot like CAIN! Because of this dastardly, Biblical sibling-abuse, I’m now disqualifying Colin from the Mea Culpa award that he was the frontrunner for. I feel no shame for doubting someone who could do their own blood this dirty.

All of this being said, whenever I feel this strongly about a trade, it ends up being a nothingburger, which - again - is why I never vote against trades. Even ones that will be talked about at the family reunion for years on end.

Week 6 Picks!

A big 6 - 1 week brings me up to 22 - 13. But I’d like to start this picks article off with a mini-rant.

The latest trend (or new to me, at least) in sports social media seems to be people recording themselves reacting to big plays. I should have seen. this coming after reaction videos to songs and trailers became popular, and - to be fair - these videos are probably more useful as content than people filming the play itself, a video they will probably never watch in their lives - but I’m really hoping that we’re a generation away from people actually enjoying living in the moment and not filming everything. That being said, I still take photos of my food when I go out to eat so who the hell am I to talk?

Let’s get to the games.

GAME OF THE WEEK

JOHNNY vs RAHUL
As the only game of the week to feature two winning records, this could have serious playoff implications. FantasyPros still ranks Rahul as the #1 team in their Rest of Season rankings but nothing has changed my thinking that this team only goes as far as Lamar Jackson takes it. Normally, I’d say that Lamar will definitely sit since the Ravens have a bye next week but with the team sitting a 1 - 4; they might risk him playing to save the season.
Johnny, meanwhile, has a stack of the #3 QB (Baker Mayfield) and the #3 WR (Emeka Egbuka) yet he has somehow managed to never play them at the same time. One would think he might finally make it happen this week with Justin Fields facing Denver in London. Either way, I think the matchups favor Johnny, who will continue to ascend the standings.
PICK: JOHNNY

UPSET OF THE WEEK

BRENDAN vs THE GENTLEMAN
Obviously, the game after I trade away Caleb Williams, Kyler Murray gets dinged up. And Garrett Wilson will probably be shadowed by Patrick Surtain II, which doesn’t bode well for his fantasy prospects this week. On the bright side, I won the FA bidding for everyone’s favorite nepo baby, Mason Taylor, and he should probably benefit if Justin Fields can’t get the ball to Garrett. (How did I end up with three Jets on my team?!) I have the edge in the flex spots but I have a concern with my supposedly top notch IDPs.
Brendan has the tougher matchups on paper but but I feel like he’s going to have the TD luck on his side. Dak should light up Carolina, I could see Cook outscoring Bijan in their head-to-head matchup, Seattle just got lit up by Emeka Egbuka so maybe Brian Thomas Jr. might break out against them. I also could see Goedert, Tucker, and Shahid outplaying their matchup rankings.
And probably the biggest issue - The Gentleman is the home team this weekend where we’re only 1 - 1 this season. Sitting alone in our apartment on gameday does nothing for the team morale so we’re real road warriors (3 - 0) this season.
PICK: BRENDAN

THE REST

ELI vs DEREK
This is a true Best of Times, Worst of Times matchup. I don’t want to steal the podcast’s thunder so I’ll just solemnly acknowledge Derek’s lost weekend and move on. Help is on the way but that help (for Ja’Marr Chase, at least) is Joe Flacco, who I think is going to get mauled behind that Cincy offensive line so there’s a real chance for a Grand Opening, Grand Closing once Off-Broadway Joe gets in there for the Bengals. Derek’s RB situation is a mess and, as much as he wants to stand by his original squad, he’s already waived 8 of the 17 guys from his week 1 roster so why not make a trade?
Honestly, not much to report on the Borts side of things besides the ruthless “You get an 0, you gotta go!” move as veteran Zach Ertz dropped a goose egg last week and was waived in favor of Eli’s top FA choice and fantasy podcast favorite Harold Fanning Jr. Even Jonathon Gannon thought Eli was being overly harsh after one bad game and the league hopes for another heartfelt apology from Eli to kick off the podcast this week.
PICK: ELI

JUSTIN vs PLAYER #14
At first I was stunned to see that The Champ was favored but then I realized this was Minnesota’s bye week so our local Viking fetishist is short-handed this week. Facing the prospect of starting Jakobi Meyers and both Chuba Hubband AND Rico Dowdle, Player #14 decided to only add AJ Barner on the offensive end. I assume his only research was making sure Barner’s first initial didn’t stand for “Antifa”.
The Champ has good matchups and Touchdown Terry McLaurin could be back to shore up his flex spot. Justin gave up $43 free agent dollars so off-brand superhero Hassan Haskins (who Player #14 is already labeling a DEI hire) can sit on the bench. Still, this could finally be the week in which the Travis Hunter gambit pays off.
PICK: JUSTIN

DANA vs BERNIE
The Caleb Williams Era begins and I think we’ll see another big week from Ashton Jeanty. And then, uh, yeah. Congrats on getting Kareem Hunt, I guess.
The one thing going for Dana is that Bernie doesn’t have the greatest of matchups although I’m not buying Arizona’s #5 against QBs ranking since Sam Darnold is the best QB they’ve faced this year. I don’t think this will be as big of a blowout as Watson is predicting but I’m still giving the nod to Bernie.
PICK: BERNIE

BRETT vs COLIN
Again, this is a game between the Haves and the Have Nots. Only 2 of Colin’s players are outside of the top ten ranking of their position and only 3 of Brett’s players are inside the top 10 and he has four guys who can’t even make the Top 40. That being said, I like the matchups for Brett’s main guys so an upset is not out of the realm of possibility. The Isiah Pacheco/Malik Washington flex spots, however, are keeping me from making the bold prediction. Javonte Williams vs. Carolina could double up their combined score. I’d definitely take the points on this one though.
PICK: COLIN

MARK vs ANDY
The McBarge has had this game circled on the schedule for weeks! All of Andy’s trash talk and now his team is in the basement and Mark is putting up one huge score after another. I was going to joke that Mark has a bye week this week but, you know what, the Madre Sucia does have some nice matchups this week. Unfortunately, Mark also has some potential boom spots in his lineup so I’m still not sure it matters. Mark spent $35 on Kimani Vidal, which I believe is an all-natural hair treatment. If you look good, you’ll play good! (Bernie snaked my joke on the WhatsApp chat but I’m leaving it in!)
PICK: MARK

Week 5 Picks Recap

So far so good but Monday Night will determine a couple games and you never know when something crazy could happen.

After the first four weeks, I’m 16 - 12. Not bad, not great. But. this looks to be another week that is more wins than losses.

Bernie vs Player #14 - PICK: PLAYER #14 / WINNER: PLAYER #14
This didn’t live up to Game of the Week status as The Veep shutdown Bernie’s team like it was the Epstein Files. The only real downside this week for the furniture fornicator is that Rico Dowdle was so good that he may have earned himself a time-share with Chuba Hubbard when the tubthumper comes back. Darren Waller seems like he was worth the big bid that the supposedly fiscal conservative threw out there.
Bernie mentioned to me that I’m 5 - 0 picking his games; I have my finger on the pulse of the snake! His team continues to be good not great

UPSETS OF THE WEEK

Mark vs Johnny - PICK: JOHNNY / WINNER: JOHNNY
I finally got an Upset of the Week right! And Johnny was finally one the winning side of a matchup between the top 2 scoring squads! The boom week not only gets Johnny on the right side of .500 but he also stacks some points to help him if there are any playoff tie-breakers. Emeka Egbuka is a stud and the Baker/Egbuka stack should pay dividends all season.
For Mark, injury karma reared its ugly head; Mark got a boost last week when Bucky Irving got hurt but now his guy Omarion Hampton is banged up and in a walking boot. Once again, Chase McLaughlin - feeling perky after being freed from Brendan’s clutches - hit double digit points

RAHUL vs COLIN - PICK: RAHUL / WINNER: COLIN
I said the negative -23.5 line was disrespectful and, well, the current projection is that Colin is going to win by a mere 20 points so I might have at least gotten that part right. Another week, another huge game for Javonte Williams. Rahul could squeak this one out if Player #14’s favorite kicker has a big game and Xavier Worthy ends up not playing and Colin doesn’t pick up a replacement but I’m going to give this one to Colin.

Dana vs Derek - PICK: DANA / WINNER: DANA
Derek would have won this week already is Emari Demarcado hadn’t pulled the boneheaded play of the season. That 8 point swing is keeping Dana alive. On the flip side, Dana would have a far more comfortable lead if he had Breece Hall instead of Jerry Jeudy. Brenton Strange has topped the 7.1 points that Derek needs in three of four games this year so Sadat X is looking good.

Kevin vs Andy - PICK: KEVIN / WINNER: KEVIN
Another schedule win for The Gentleman. Andy started an inactive Brock Bowers and he still wasn’t the worst guy in his lineup as Ollie Gordon II farted out a -0.2 points this week. The podcast’s pegging talk has extra meaning now has Andy has bottomed out to last place in point scored and is a Brenton Stage letdown away from being in last place in the standings as well. Things don’t get any easier next week as frequent target of the pod, Mark, is on deck.

Brendan vs Eli - PICK: ELI / WINNER: ELI
This matchup was brought to you by Bad Decision Jeans. Brendan’s late benching of Rashid Shahid in favor of Tre Tucker cost him ten points. Woody Marks over Jaylen Waddle was the bad call I expected it to be; although it’s more surprising than I expected as the Texans dropped 44 on the Ravens and Marks could only muster 2.4 points. And both sides had a goose egg.
Brendan could still steal this one but he needs Brian Thomas Jr. to outscore Mahomes and Oluokun, That’s a tall order seeing as Oluokon himself has outscored Thomas Jr. three of the first four weeks.

Justin vs Brett - PICK: BRETT / WINNER: BRETT
This one will come down to the wire. Justin is up 10.8 with Travis Hunter yet to play while Brett has Travis Kelce, Isiah Pacheco and Nick Bolton. Jacksonville’s defense has been better than expected but a dinged up Xavier Worthy might mean more targets for Travis Kelce. This one could still go either way.

Week 5 Podcast Review

Another hour and twenty minute podcast?! Is Terrence Malick directing these? The length and rambling nature/lack of focus seems like his style.

Andy says I’m in a dead media while it sounds like he’s recording from a bathroom. And apparently, the written word is VERY influential because the many mentions of The Gentleman triggered Andy’s jealousy. Right before our big matchup, I’m clearly in his head!

Eli erasing me from our Fruit Stripe discussion and crediting Mark is hurtful.

Andy is absolutely right with his take about Eli’s moral conundrum. Eli could have offered something because I gave up the information of my own volition. But to embrace the conspiracy theory vibe of the podcast, perhaps there was some 4D chess at work - Did The Gentleman sense that Eli had an offer brewing and knew that telling Mark and Eli about his trade offer would trigger a moral conundrum in Eli’s head?

In terms of scumbaggery, after trivia, Eli went home to his loving family and I went on a solo mission to a strip club so I don’t think that the trade is what put me ahead in that race.

Platforming Player X?! Nobody wanted to hear his opinion before he was cancelled! My only hope is that they just invited him on so they could record enough of his voice that AI could create some Player #14 content. And then he isn’t on the podcast for a minute before he starts casting aspersions against The Gentleman.

This first minute of this Ron Funchess video is my take on conspiracy theories.

“I did another Google” - We’re old, Eli, but let’s pretend we’re not completely out of touch.

Is Tartar sauce the last remnant of the Tartarian Empire? In that case, I’m glad they’re gone. However, speaking of basement windows, the Seattle underground tour explains the Seattle “underground” was actually street level but then, after The Great Seattle fire, the city elevated the streets.

My alt-right alter ego Colby Jack is offended by Player #14 referring to our savior as “Mr. Trump”. It’s PRESIDENT TRUMP to you, buddy! At least, it’s good to hear that Player #14 is peeing after sex so he doesn’t get any UTIs.

“Superlatives” replacement? Let me think about that.

A+ bench blunder by The Veep. Andy had three choices on his bench that would have won him the week but he went with Calvin Austin.

I’m starting to think that there’s a conspiracy against me brewing; that’s the only way to explain how The Gentleman and conspiracies were the focus of this week’s pod.

“One Battle After Anohter” ranks at #6 on the Mendo 2025 film list but I agree with Andy that’s it is overhyped. It’s kind of a standard action movie set in a hot button political situation. The last act especially becomes One Cliche After Another.

RE: No moves for Johnny, him saving all of his money until the end of the draft meant that his bench was going to be loaded. The only droppable guy would be Bhayshul Tuten and his stock rose after the Tank Bigsby trade.

Pilot episodes are usually the worst of a series so we don’t want to judge Player #14’s maiden voyage too harshly but The Gentleman could do with less mud flood talk, and pegging shaming although it was intriguing to see how The Veep’s presence seemed to have Eli shifting to the right.

The people have called for an Outro song yet the pod still hasn’t delivered.

TRADE GRADE: Breece Hall for Caleb and Jeudy

After an embarrassing loss to Johnny’s incomplete squad, The Gentleman is shaking things up with a trade. Dana begins his march from the bottom with a new QB and WR.

DANA: B
After Caleb’s bye this week, Dana should be able to set and forget his QB position for the rest of the season, which should be a load off of his mind. He knocked it out of the park last week with Marcus Mariota but streaming QBs is always risky. Dana also bought low on Jerry Jeudy, who soaked up all the targets after Cedric Tillman was injured last week, and Dillon Gabriel can’t be any worse than the fossilized Flacco that Cleveland was trotting out there. The reason I don’t give this an A is because I’m not sold on Jeanty and Montgomery as reliable lead backs and they also both have a week 8 bye so Dana currently doesn’t have a running back for that week and after this slow start, he can’t afford to punt any games.

KEVIN: B+
QB value is all over the place in this league so this might have been an overpay on my part. I also probably sold low on Jerry Jeudy but I have a feeling that the Browns offense is going to lean even heavier on the run now that the rookie is taking over. But ultimately, this deal helped get me back to where I was before, with four good RBs and room to maneuver to trade for a better WR. My receiving corps is the worst in the league since Jauan Jennings gets a new injury every week but we’ll look to fix that next week. Breece Hall hasn’t done much so far but Braelon Allen’s injury could mean more touches for Hall and he also has one of the easier RB schedules for the rest of the season. I can’t say I’m thrilled to have so much invested in the Jets offense (Breece to go along with Garrett Wilson) but I think this trade was a step forward for my squad.

Week 5 Picks!

Lions and Bye weeks and injuries, oh my! Houses are being dropped on people left and right this week, with the latest horrible reporting being Trey Benson getting surgery out of seemingly nowhere. For all of the Q’s that ESPN loves throwing at guys, I feel like this injury was completely missed. Of course, nobody cares about the Cardinals so it’s somewhat understandable. Let’s see what this week holds in store.

GAME OF THE WEEK

Bernie vs Player #14
Now that he’s done heckling Rory McIlroy’s wife, and with the government shutdown, The Veep has nothing better to do than obsess about his fantasy football team and probably look for new reasons to bench Travis Etienne, whose name is apparently too French for Team USA’s liking. I don’t love Jordan Mason vs. Cleveland’s stout defense but Bernie is playing Chase Brown, who I don’t like against any defense, so that evens itself out. After a blistering comment in the Power Rankings, the Veep paid bigly for a new tight end, Darren Waller, who could be a game changer or could retire tomorrow, you never know with that guy.
I think Bernie’s path to victory is a big game from the Colts stack (Dimes and Warren) and Achane reaching the end zone a couple times. Carolina’s defense has to be fired up after an embarrassing performance against the Pats so that might not happen this week. But hey, at least he has Jaxson Dart.
PICK: PLAYER #14

UPSETS OF THE WEEK

Mark vs Johnny
The rich get richer as Mark now has Tampa Bay’s starting running back. Rachaad White kind of sucks but he has a nose for the end zone and that’s all that matters in fantasy. Jahmyr Gibbs also could score 50 points against Cincy’s defense. EDIT: Although with the breaking news that Brock Purdy is out, Mark now needs to find a QB for this week.
Still, there’s something about Johnny’s lineup that makes me want to go with him. Stefon Diggs revenge game. Tet McMillan needing a bounceback after the Panthers got trounced by the Pats. Justin Fields should light up Dallas. Mark’s team has been on a tear but I think Johnny’s team is poised for a breakout.
PICK: JOHNNY

RAHUL vs COLIN
Listen, I get that Rahul is a clone but a 23.5 line is disrespectful. The Roughnecks don’t even have great matchups and are still projected for a league leading 140.5 points.
On the other side, Lamar’s injury is a massive loss but there’s room for hope for Rahul. The Stroud/Nico stack isn’t as enticing as the Ravens superstack but they should be serviceable this week. Keon Coleman could break out against the Patriots’ questionable secondary. Skattebo should be able to score a TD against the Saints. That being said, I get that the name To'oTo'o is cool but why is he on a roster right now? Even SirVocea is wondering what’s going on there.
This is probably crazy talk and I’m not sure why I’m doubling down on my preseason disrespect of Colin’s squad but I just feel like this could be a bust week for a lot of his guys. I’d absolutely take the points in this one but I’m going one further!
PICK: RAHUL

THE REST OF THE GAMES

Dana vs Derek
Dana is favored?! And he doesn’t even have a full roster set right now! The Bucky Irving injury news has Derek reeling, scrambling to pick up every available RB. Derek does have some nice matchups this week but matchups don’t seem to matter with The Curse so we know that Sam Darnold is probably going to throw for 120 yards and no TDs this week. I almost made this my upset of the week but Dana also has great matchups and he just has the better players. I expect a David Montgomery bounceback game to take Dana over the top.
PICK: DANA

Kevin vs Andy
Cooper Kupp revenge game! The Gentleman sent the week 1 podcast to Cooper so he could get fired up for this one. I, for one, like the new Seattle grunge look. (Although I am nervous about this now that Derek picked up Darnold.) I’ll probably look to trade a RB for a WR next week but no need to rush a deal right now since I’m playing everyone’s second favorite league podcaster who has half of his team on bye. Granted, I just lost to a guy who started an injured running back so I probably shouldn’t get too cocky. But Garrett Wilson and newly acquired Breece Hall vs. Dallas should be able to do some damage. The Shady Lady has some nice matchups and RJ Harvey, Ollie Gordon, and Chris Rodriguez could all hit paydirt this week but I’m not betting on it.
PICK: KEVIN

Brendan vs Eli
How the mighty have fallen! Who could have foreseen Brendan starting Jalen Tolbert and Kavontae Turpin in Week 5 of the season. Tre Tucker went from a $41 bid to the bench in just one week. (However, Derek did just drop Geno Smith, freeing him from the curse, so things could be looking up for Tre.)
Has Baltimore’s defense declined so much that Eli is correct in starting Woody Marks against them? Jaylen Waddle becomes WR1 in Miami and is unceremoniously benched. Strange things are amiss in the battle of The vs Thee but I think the Jets/Cowboys game might be lower scoring than Brendan needs. And even if it isn’t, Eli’s squad is too strong to go against right now.
PICK: ELI

Justin vs Brett
This matchup should probably air on Roku; there’s just not a lot to get excited about. The Champ has had two huge games in a row but the matchups in this one are bad and now Trey Benson is out and Justin’s cupboard is a bit bare. TJ Hockenson vs. Cleveland isn’t the most appealing Flex option. I would predict that this would be a Squeaky Wheel Gets the Grease game and AJ Brown would be heavily targeted but he could be shadowed by Patrick Surtain II, which doesn’t bode well for hid catches. Brett picked up two so-so wide receivers but didn’t pick up an IDP so he might have to dump one of those guys. ESPN predicts that this one will be a low scoring affair and I can’t disagree. I honestly have no idea who is going to win this one but I’m going to roll the dice and go with Tee Higgins and Devonta Smith having breakout games.
PICK: BRETT

Power Rankings: The Borts Supremacy

1. The Fighting Borts (Original Rank: 13)
The Commish is on a tear! If teams played everyone each week, our skinny Chiklis’s record would be an astonishing 41 - 7. He’s now weathered two lousy Derrick Henry games and still has put up 120+ points each time (something his podcast co-host has yet to muster even once.) Patrick Mahomes is turning back the clock. The Indy Duo of Jonathon Taylor and Michael Pittman seem to be healthy and back to where they were a couple years ago. Amon-Ra St. Brown is showing why he was my main WR target this year, Jaylen Waddle is now WR1 in Miami, and on top of all that, the Borts snuck in while everyone was sleeping and picked up Woody Marks to bolster one of the stronger benches in the league.
At this point, the only negative to this season is Eli’s fake news History Corner but that can almost be forgiven until his squad loses a game.

2. The McBarge (OR: 12)
Mark’s starting lineup has exploded the last two weeks and the question is: is this run sustainable, like Ray A. Kroc’s evil plan to steal McDonald’s from the rightful founders, or is it short-lived greatness like the McRib? I’m betting that this is real. Omarion Hampton looks like an absolute beast. Puka Nacua has become vintage Cooper Kupp. Hunter Henry just needed me to drop him in my other leagues to start living up to my sleeper prediction. The bench is worrisome so there’s not a lot of room for error and I’m not completely confident in Marvin Harrison Jr. and Ricky Pearsall but right now, you can’t deny that The McBarge is cruising.

3. Uncle Rico’s Ruffnecks (OR: 14)
Despite being a hard luck 2 - 2, Colin continues to be the favorite to win the Mea Culpa Award next draft. Quentin Johnston is The Move of the Year. Javonte Williams is The Value of the Year. I liked Deebo in D.C. and he’s even better now that Terry McLaurin is banged up. Most of Colin’s starters rank near the top of their position and there’s no reason to think they’ll slow down. If I was Colin, I’d look at moving Tucker Kraft and Xavier Worthy for an upgrade at WR or RB but why should the Ruffneck listen to me when he’s on a tear! (Although it seems like I’ve won our Jaylen Waddle > Tyreek Hill bet.)

4. The Gentleman in the Corner (OR: 4)
The Gentleman waited a week too long to try to package James Conner and a WR to acquire a better #2 WR and that could be the difference this season. Of the top teams, the Corner Boys have the most glaring weakness in the starting lineup. Jerry Jeudy is matchup dependent and Jauan Jennings needs to prove he can make it through a game without getting hurt before I can trust him. Facing the easiest schedule so far this year, the Gentleman were embarrassed by Johnny who didn’t even need to start a full lineup to win. FantasyPros still has me tied for first in their Rest of Season power rankings but I have a feeling that this team could be a paper tiger.

5. Ktttssss!!! (OR: 5)
I still have faith in Bernie! Indiana Jones came back down to Earth on Sunday but the Rams are one of the better defenses in the NFL so that shouldn’t be a huge cause of concern. Quinshon Judkins is already the MVP of the Browns offense. Chase Brown is basically the weak link here and it doesn’t look like things are going to get better for him in near future. At this point, he’s a bye week fill-in. I think Bernie should be playoff-bound but he needs to make a move if he wants to reach contender status.

6. Pete Hegseth’s Handmaiden (OR: 2)
As with his own body, The Veep is struggling to maintain a Tight End. Week after week, Travis Etienne has been benched despite being one of the team’s best players; the executive decisions by this manager are about as logical as his namesake’s boss. While I approved the JJ/JJ trade, I do have some concerns about Chuba Hubbard and the Jordan Mason/Aaron Jones combo once Jones gets healthy. The talent in this roster still has this team as a playoff squad but I’m not sure if they are a true contender.

7. Double Dram-Ba-Ba-Bouie (OR:6)
FantasyPros has Rahul’s team as the #1 squad for the rest of the season but Lamar Jackson’s health might undo that. The Andrews/Zay stack was already dicey but it’s gonna crap out if Cooper Rush is the QB. Does Rahul remember that he has Jordan Addison on the bench? Rahul also got the peak Braelon Allen experience - he starts off strong, then fumbles away a chance for a TD, and then gets hurt and is possibly headed to the IR. The starters here are solid but this team only goes as far as Lamar Jackson’s hammy takes them.

8. Essos Son Reebok o Nike (OR: 9)
Johnny is my pick for team that could make a big jump in the next power rankings. This is a solid team and if Justin Fields is upright, he’s liable to put up 30 points. I think the Sneaker Pimp is another team that should look at offering 2 for 1’s to upgrade the RB position - sell high on D’Andre Swift along with either Tet McMillan or DJ Moore.

9. Clay Says Shiit Shiiiiiiiiiiiit! (OR: 7)
The Champ could be a few spots higher after two boom weeks but injury woes and AJ Brown’s disappearance are weighing them down this round. I’m also nervous about how much wear and tear Christian McCaffrey can take. He’s now essentially a WR who gets carries. He’s averaging just 3.3 yards a carry and hasn’t topped 70 yards in a game yet. The Travis Hunter gambit continues to be a nothingburger. With games of 94, 81, 144, and 164, Clays Says is the epitome of a high ceiling, low floor team and, for now, I’m thinking we’ll see more of the floor than the ceiling.

10. Sadat X (OR: 3)
Apparently, Derek doesn’t bother with the blog but the Gentleman will hold no grudge and will still rank his team thusly. Geno Smith now has 2 TDs and 6 INTs when playing for Derek as opposed to 4 TDs and 1 INT when he’s free of the Curse of Sadat X. Miraculously, Geno’s 13.7 this week is the best QB performance for Sadat X this season. Ja’Marr Chase might be one of the worst first overall picks in recent memory. If Bucky Irving’s injury is more serious than we’ve been led to believe, this team plummets to the bottom. The one reason I have them this high is that Rome Odunze is legit and Rashee Rice’s return is right around the corner and the QB situation can’t get any worse, can it?
EDIT: Breaking news - the Bengals are talking to the Giants about Russell Wilson or Jameis Winston. If Winston is traded to Cincy, the Jameis/Ja’Marr stack could breathe new life into Sadat X!

11. Thee Gospel (OR: 1)
The CeeDee Lamb injury was an obvious blow but Brian Thomas Jr. seems to be suffering a sophomore slump and if Kendre Miller steals more work from Alvin Kamara, then Brendan isn’t going to have enough firepower to win most weeks. On the bright side, Brendan’s mustered two ugly wins so far but he faces the four of the top teams in the next four weeks so the schedule isn’t helping him sneak by while Lamb licks his wounds.

12. K-Kel Inc. (OR: 8)
K-Kel was already struggling before Malik Nabers went down; I’m just not sure how they can put up enough each week to make it out of the bottom. Jalen Hurts can only carry this team so far as this might be the roster with the lowest floor. Besides Hurts, this also is a team filled with Sell Low assets so I’m not sure what trades could be made to salvage the season.

13. One Shady Motha (OR: 10)
Andy solved his RB issue by trading for Josh Jacobs but now his WRs are woeful. The best thing going for Calvin Ridley is the Titans being so terrible that they might trade him before the deadline. Jameson Williams is more bust than boom in an offense with so many weapons. Matthew Golden has his best game of the season and still couldn’t muster double-digits. Calvin Austin did this team a favor by getting hurt so Andy would stop starting him.
Week 4 was almost a moral victory as the Dubious Matriarch neared 120 points for the first time but they came up short. The Gentleman can’t take Andy’s team seriously until it manages back-to-back games in triple digits. Until then, the Shady Lady is bumbling her way to the bottom.

14. Caviar Fake Titties (OR: 11)

Week 4 Picks Recap

There are two games on Monday night but it looks like there’s only one games that is still up in the air. I’ve gone 13 - 8 so far this season and, if things hold, this will give me another 5 - 2 week.

Before we get to the picks recap, The Gentleman will not apologize for his Pearl Jam drummer crack. Two people complained about it but they only mentioned Matt Cameron. who didn’t play on any of Pearl Jam’s great studio albums. Arguably the best song he played on was “Last Kiss”, which is a cover song. (I’d probably argue that his best song was “The Fixer” but even that one doesn’t rank amongst Pearl Jam’s greatest hits.) Honestly, I’d bet that a lot of fans probably can’t name the drummer from the classic album “Ten”.

GAME OF THE WEEK

MARK vs COLIN - PICK: MARK / WINNER: MARK

Mark and Colin’s battle lived up to the hype with an epic score of 170 - 153.2. Colin is a hard luck 2 - 2 but still the front runner for the Mea Culpa award. Mark will get a major upgrade when I release my updated Power Rankings.

UPSET OF THE WEEK

DANA VS ELI - PICK: DANA / WINNER: ELI
Well, Mariota and Jeanty did their best to make my prediction come true. And apparently, there’s a 5% chance that Tyreek Hill and Breece Hall combine for 40.7 points on Monday night. But I think Dana has a real Ladd McConkey problem on his hands. David Montgomery was facing a tough Browns defense but Khalil “The Siren” Shakir might have done enough today to woo Colin into starting him so, inevitably, he can put up like 3.7 points.
Eli overcame another lackluster game from Derrick Henry and solidified his #1 spot in the new Power Rankings.

MENDO VS JOHNNY - PICK: MENDO / WINNER: TBD
This is the closest game of the week and I fear Justin Fields and Courtland Sutton (who Johnny got in a BULLSHIT situation) could have big nights. I invested heavily in Christian Kirk this weekend and he let me down. Not that Jerry Jeudy was much better but every point counts in this one.

ANDY VS BRENDAN - PICK: BRENDAN / WINNER: BRENDAN
Stranger things have happened but Alex Singleton would need to play his best game and Talanoa Hufanga would pretty much need to get injured for Andy to make up the 7 point difference in this one. You simply aren’t winning many games when an IDP is your third highest scorer.

PLAYER #14 VS. DEREK - PICK: PLAYER #14 / WINNER: PLAYER #14
Can JaMaar Chase turn back the clock and put up 19.1 points to help Derek take this see-saw battle? Player #14 moving Josh Jacobs before a plus matchup against the Cowboys could cost him the victory but, if he hadn’t made the deal, he would probably have had to wait another week since Jacobs is on a bye next week. Dumping Jaxson Dart for Carson Wentz might be an example of winning the battle but losing the war as Dart looks to be the starter the rest of the way for New York and The Veep could have probably gotten something great from Rahul’s clone for New York’s new favorite athlete.

BRETT VS BERNIE - PICK: BERNIE / WINNER: BERNIE
Tee Higgins has to outscore De’Von Achane and Bernie’s latest Make-A-Wish winner Jordan Battle by 19.2 so I think this one should be safe. Quinshon Judkins continues to have the look of a difference maker for Bernie. Although the real difference maker was Brett who left a lot of points on the bench and might need to make another trade or two to shake things up.

RAHUL VS JUSTIN - PICK: RAHUL / WINNER: JUSTIN
Apparently, Rahul’s clone doesn’t like that I’m not going along with the charade because I picked him to win and instead he was the wrong end of the biggest blowout of the week. Only He Who Shall Not Be Named would be happy with a week in which Harrison Butker led the team in scoring. And he only had 13 points. FantasyPros thinks that Rahul has the best team the rest of the way but I wouldn’t be surprised if they reconsidered that after this outing.
The Champ piled it on thanks to the Roster Move of the Week - starting Romeo Doubs - who helped make up for whatever is going on with AJ Brown right now.

WEEK 3 PODCAST REVIEW

An hour and 21 minutes?!

Excuses are no way to open a podcast. Thanks to Andy for calling Eli out and setting his priorities straight.

WOW! Calling out The Gentleman! I WROTE WHAT I WROTE! I STAND BY MY ETHICS! One thing I didn’t realize was that Josh Jacobs has allegedly an easy schedule the rest of the way. That might make it a better deal but I’m still not wild about Andy’s WRs. This is a big week for Andy as Golden and Jacobs face the all hat, no cattle Cowboys and should be able to have boom weeks.
And for shame, that you think giving average grades for average trades is “hack” or lacks courage. The written word concerns itself only with truth. No need to chase hot takes like cable news and podcast pundits.

Although I should LOVE the trade because I play Andy next week when the Packers have their bye. In fact, SIX of Andy’s players have byes so he’ll need some injuries tomorrow if he doesn’t want to start three backup RBs next week. (Well, two since Chris Rodriguez is technically the starter for the Commies.) Not a bad set up for me as Bijan is also on bye next week.

And then Eli speaks the name that won’t be spoken and immediately blames Andy for not stopping him. Maybe his ethics haven’t awoken from his long slumber.

In defense of Derek, Tyjae Spears is a solid hold because there are rumblings that the Titans could have a fire sale if they continue to struggle and Tony Pollard could be on the move, which would make Spears - when he gets over his high ankle sprain - the starter.

Eli, thanks for the kind words about my squad!

Does Andy think that doing the podcast duties covers his dues and Vegas expenses?

Eli doesn’t know the name of his best player and doesn’t know who his opponent is this week?! That is especially sad since THE COLTS ARE PLAYING IN LOS ANGELES!

The Buga Sphere is allegedly twelve THOUSAND five hundred and sixty years old, not twelve hundred.

FUN FACT: Limewire bought Fyre Festival for $245,000. It was sold on EBay.

“Turned out” has a different meaning nowadays than “looking good”. Eli doesn’t spend enough time around strip clubs and pimps.

Andy should have control of the outro so he can play Eli off when he starts rambling about questionably truthful historic factoids. (Although Google does have both fancies and fanatic as the forefathers of “fan”.)

Another great podcast, gents! Keep ‘em coming!

TRADE GRADE: Josh Jacobs for Justin Jefferson

As a fan of alliteration, I think this could be the greatest trade ever! But how does it stack up Fantasy Football-wise?

ANDY: C+
Andy is after that Action Award (more alliteration!) as he’s made his second deal in two days. The Gentleman recommended a 1 for 2 deal for Justin Jefferson (and sadly waited a week too long to offer up James Conner in a reboot of our previous Davante Adams deal) but The Solitary Matriarch of Shadiness decided to go for two separate 1-1 deals. I’m not sure if that’s the best approach since his team still has issues. He’s definitely upgraded his RB position but now he has a pretty ugly group of WRs to rely on. Once again, there’s a significant stench of desperation to this one and it feels more like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic than making a major improvement. Although that’s probably underselling the Titanic. Maybe more like rearranging deck chairs OceanGate Titan Submersible. (Why would you name a risky submarine anything close to the most notorious boating shipwreck ever?)

PLAYER #14: A
Even a broken clock is right twice a day and our homophobic homie has pulled off a whale of a trade. First and foremost, congratulations to the Cancelled Counterfeit Casamigos as he has overcome his phobia of trades. This team has a real chance at making a run this season and those odds have definitely improved after this deal. If the podcast doesn’t have this team as a Blue Chip stock after this, then I would expect a nasty rant on Truth Social and threats from the FCC chair.
Josh Jacobs was a deal at $37 dollars and has now turned into $58 Justin Jefferson. I’m a little nervous about the QB situation in Minnesota and Jefferson didn’t have to deal with Jordan Addison stealing targets these first three weeks but that’s an impossible deal to turn down, especially when The Veep has depth at running back.
Has Player #14 overtaken Brendan as the main villain of the league? I could definitely see the comparison of Brendan being Thanos and Jeff being Kang, the villain that nobody liked and who got cancelled. But this is just jealousy talking; kudos to Veep The Creep for putting himself in a position. to challenge for the title this season.

TRADE GRADE: Pacheco for Golden

AND WE HAVE A TRADE! Week 4 is off to an earth shattering start as the balance of power of the middle of the pack might have shifted an inch or two based on this megadeal. Let’s break it down.

ANDY: C-

THE POWER OF THE WRITTEN WORD!

I write up a few negative vibes towards Isiah Pacheco and Calvin Austin and suddenly Andy decides to pull the trigger on a deal! Except he doesn’t get a running back in return! Now he has to rely on the pu pu platter of backups and committee backs from his bench. What the hell?!

Matthew Golden probably has a higher ceiling than Pacheco; he’s barely missed three touchdowns this season and, at the start of the season, there was a lot of hype about him potentially working himself into the WR1 spot in Green Bay. The problem is that his floor is in the sub-basement. Jordan Love spreads the ball around and Christian Watson is due back soon to steal even more routes and targets from Golden, who has delivered games of 2.8, 1.5, and 8.1 this season (but he could be due for a big game against the Cowboys’ sieve of a secondary.) Golden probably doesn’t have the skillset to be a true WR1; he’s more of a deep threat at this point than an all-around receiver which means he is almost assuredly a boom or bust player, which Andy already has in Jameson Williams and Calvin Austin. At least we should get some solid podcast tirades from Andy trying to figure out which of these guys to play.

The Gentleman is assuming that there’s another trade on the horizon because relying on Chris Rodriguez, Ollie Gordon, RJ Harvey, Tyler Allgeier, and Will Shipley is a massive gamble unless our own Slim Shady has some inside intel about an injury. Pacheco was obviously a disappointment but to move on from his starting RB without securing an upgrade seems like a wild swing from a desperate manager. With the podcast promising a Stock Watch update this week, the OSM shareholders are going to want to hear some answers!

BRETT: C+
As someone who is still all-in on investing in the RB position over WR, trading a replacement level wide receiver for a starting running back is a great move. In theory. When the running back in question is Pacheco then it becomes a slightly above average move. Brett has now collected both Kansas City running backs which is kind of like collecting the autographs of Pearl Jam drummers. Like, cool, I get it, kind of, but… why exactly? Maybe things get better for KC when Worthy and Rice are back and healthy but I feel like it is still going to be a crap shoot about which back to start each week. Kareem Hunt seems to be the goal line back and he ate into Pacheco’s carries last week. Still, all he had to give up is Matthew Golden so the risk/reward seems fine. Just a month ago, Pacheco was an $18 investment while Golden cost $6 so the shareholder of K Kel Incorporated can’t complain.

Week 4 Picks

The Gentleman apologizes for his shoddy picks and bad calls this last week. But, then again, he’s not here to give people good advice that might help them beat him so what can you really expect?!

GAME OF THE WEEK

One team is reeling after an upset loss to The Gentleman. The other team is riding high after a monster performance and a potential stock watch upgrade on the podcast. And they are the first and third highest projected scorers of the week. For Colin, this could be the second game in a row where Josh Allen gets outscored by a lesser QB - Jordan Love should be able to throw all over Dallas’s defense. Xavier Worthy and Chris Godwin might be back but I’m not sure if you want to start them this week. If Tucker Kraft is healthy, it’s tough to bench him against the bums in Dallas. I really don’t know who to pick in this one so I’m following the momentum. I’m a little nervous about Gibbs against Cleveland but Omarion Hampton should run all over the Giants. Pearsall or Harrison Jr. need to step up for Mark and Hunter Henry - suddenly, the #1 ranked TE in fantasy - has to have another big game.
PICK: MARK

UPSET OF THE WEEK

DANA VS ELI
Eli has the #1 WR (St. Brown) and the #1 RB (Taylor) and everyone in his starting lineup is averaging double-digit points. This is the battle of the highest and lowest scoring teams in the league with Eli averaging almost 50 points a game more than Dana so far. But we all know that the NFL is scripted and what better twist than to have the 0 - 3 Dana take down his Vegas roommate’s dreams of an undefeated season! Dana has more favorable matchups and Eli’s workhorse Jonathon Taylor is facing the Rams, who just slowed down Saquon Barkley. It’ll be up to Derrick Henry (@ KC) and Amon-Ra (vs. CLE) to carry the load and I feel like those defenses could keep them relatively quiet. The one big caveat is that I’m betting that Dana will think better of starting Jake Browning against Denver at Mile High but who knows, maybe Browning over Mahomes is just the unexpected twist that pushes this upset special over the top.
PICK: DANA

MENDO VS JOHNNY
Bijan and Garrett Wilson have tough matchups for The Gentleman but I still think this should be an easy win. Pollard/Swift/Warren are a trio of prolific songwriters but the running backs by the same names aren’t making sweet music for Johnny as they are the 17th, 23rd, and 24th ranked RBs so far. Brandon Aubrey might get a shot at a bunch of long field goals but I’m not sure that it’ll be enough.
PICK: MENDO

ANDY VS BRENDAN
I was surprised to see Andy acquire Calvin Austin (going up against the #1 pass defense in the league this week) but then I saw that Pittsburgh’s #2 receiver has more points this year than every offensive player on Andy’s roster besides Drake Maye and Justin Jefferson. I know it’s only week 3 but is there a weaker three than Isaiah Pacheco (52nd ranked RB), Calvin Ridley (73rd ranked WR), and Jameson Williams (35th ranked WR). As a Hail Mary to save the seasn, Andy has belatedly embraced Player #14’s 2024 approach of loading up on young backup RBs in hopes that someone gets hurt. Hopefully, that’s as far as Andy goes in following in the footsteps of a cancelled also-ran.
The one thing Andy has going for him is that he, the lowest projected point scorer this week, is facing the second lowest projected point scorer this week. Brendan needs Oakland vs. New Orleans to be a barn burner because I’m not sure Dak survives the Green Bay defense and Brian Thomas’s season isn’t getting any easier against SF. This one could go either way but I just tend to like Brendan’s lineup better.
PICK: BRENDAN

PLAYER #14 VS. DEREK
Sixth in points, sixth in the standings, last in your hearts, Player #14 is fulfilling his destiny as a mediocre white man. And his team has noticed as multiple players are now faking injuries so they don’t have to represent the Veep.
Derek is going back to the Geno Smith well but he’s playing against Chicago’s 30th ranked pass defense so this week should work out better than his previous stint as Sadat X starter. The key for the good guys in this one is if TreVeyon Henderson can get the starting nod of Butterfingers Stevenson and Antonio Gibson. He also needs Chris Olave to benefit from a high scoring BUF/NO game. With Bucky and JaMarr being huge question marks this week, I just think Derek needs too many things to break his way to pick him to win.
PICK: PLAYER #14

BRETT VS BERNIE
We can all celebrate that SirVocea Dennis is no longer active in our league. I mean, look at this fucking nerd.

I’m pretty sure he was the villain in The Blackening. Anyway, who the hell knows what Bernie is doing with his IPD players. I don’t know why he would have waived Brandon Jones last week when EVERYONE knew he was due for a big game. This week’s common card sounding dude is Jordan Battle. (Arguably, a hot girl name.)
As for Brett, he now has Jaxson Dart throwing to Malik Nabers, which could be an issue. Nick Chubb is losing carries each week. Tee Higgins and Devonta Smith are struggling. Still. Jalen Hurts cures a lot of issues and I think Bernie’s guy Indiana Jones could struggle against LA. I think this game will be closer than Watson predicts but after I cleaned out Bernie in poker on Monday night, I’ll pay him back by giving him the nod.
PICK: BERNIE

RAHUL VS JUSTIN
Watson has this one as a veritable pick ‘em and neither team has great matchups on paper but I’m not buying that Jacksonville has 8th best run defense. Defense and kicker will be key in this one and the Trey Benson vs. Jaxon Smith-Njigba matchup on Thursday could go a long way towards determining the winner. Both of these teams are littered with High Ceiling / Low Floor options so there’s a real chance that the projected closest game is a blowout in either direction.
PICK: RAHUL

Week 3 Recap!

This was a rough week for The Gentleman as I went 3 - 4 and apparently, many players in the NFL are reading the blog and using negative comments as bulletin board material because a lot of people who were called out had great games this week.

DEREK vs BRETT: PICK - BRETT / WINNER - DEREK
Move over, The Studio! This Fall’s best new comedy is Derek’s QB Carousel. Derek dumped Geno Smith, who went on to score 31.9 points, and went instead with CJ Stroud (12.2 points.) But IDP made the difference in this game and, in Brett’s own IDP Carousel, Ivan Pace - freed from the shackles of being rostered by Brett - went out and scored double digits, something no IDP player has been able to do while starting for K-Kel this season. On the bright side, Brett started with Jerome Baker (2.5 points all season), Micah Parsons (8.5 points all season), and Reed Blankenship (8 points all season) so we’re at least seeing baby steps towards fielding a winning defensive unit.
For both squads, there’s a real concern of a Brown(ing) out as both Ja’Marr Chase and Tee Higgins were wildly underwhelming. And now Brett’s top receiver is about to have Jaxson Dart under center. The panic meter in Vegas is high.

BRENDAN vs JOHNNY: PICK - BRENDAN / WINNER - JOHNNY
Karmic payback for Johnny who finally got a bad win - scoring the third lowest this week but still coming out ahead of a reeling Thee Gospel, who lost CeeDee Lamb and also has Brian Thomas Jr. who lost the ability to score points. But we can’t blame the loss on CeeDee Lamb’s injury because Brendan’s bench WRs - Marvin Mims, Hunter Renfrow, and Dyami Brown - barely did better than Lamb’s goose egg. In fact, if you combined all three of their scores, Brendan still would have lost. Adding injury to insult, Brendan lost Najee Harris for the season.
The big question for next week is: Will Johnny finally start Emeka Egbuka? The best E.E. since Cummings will now be the WR1 in Tampa Bay because Mike Evans is sidelined with an injury.

MARK vs JUSTIN: PICK - JUSTIN / WINNER - MARK
Who knew Mark had a week like this in him? Certainly not two podcasters who seem to take glee in besmirching the good name of North Andover’s second finest gentleman. Nor myself, who couldn’t believe that The Champ would fall to 0 - 3. Hunter Henry awoke from his slumber, Omarion Hampton lived up to the hype (and now no longer has Najee Harris stealing carries), and Mark scooped up Chase McLaughlin who booted his was to 21 points. Honestly, the only negative of the week was Marvin Harrison with the worst drop of the season.
The Champ did all he could as the #2 scorer of the week but he’s still staring down at a winless season so far. Week 3 of the Travis Hunter experiment was another flop. Hunter managed 7.6 points (which made him Justin’s third best IDP this week) and the Flex2 spot went to Wandale Robinson who could only muster 3.1 points. The experiment might start paying dividends next week now that Trey Benson is set to become the lead back in Arizona.

BERNIE vs RAHUL: PICK - RAHUL / WINNER - RAHUL
The Ravens stack did indeed take down Bernie as a reanimated Mark Andrews did damage alongside Lamar. Rahul’s clone has had the best injury luck so far this season as Bill and now Scattebo (BEE BOP BEE BOP) are their team’s lead backs. Investing in the NFC East rookie RBs might turn out to be a genius move! Speaking of rookie backs, Quinshon Judkins was another steal and insiders report that he could supplant Chase Brown in Bernie’s starting lineup next week.

ELI vs ANDY: PICK - ELI / WINNER - ELI
The Borts continue to be a juggernaut, easily walking all over Andy, whose team came out with about as much as enthusiasm as Andy does for the podcast. Perhaps the most concerning aspect of the game for Andy was that he had starters deliver low scoring games of 5.3 (Pacheco & Jameson), 3.2 (Ridley), 4 (Kirk) and still, those were his best options as even his QB on the bench - Michael Penix Jr. - wasn’t able to crack four points. RJ Harvey also continued to disappoint and Tyler Allgeier didn’t even manage one full point. Andy might need to start considering 1 for 2 deals for Justin Jefferson to help fill the holes in his roster. (Maybe something involving Bernie’s Chase Brown?)

DANA vs Player #14: PICK - DANA / WINNER - THE CANCELED ONE
David Montgomery did his best to make this one interesting and Dana’s benched Bills could have given him the win (but it’s tough to bench Ladd McConkey or Breece Hall for Khalil Shakir) but, sadly, the villain took home the victory. Bryce Young continued to prove to be allergic to being a fantasy starter, dumping 11.6 points; someone should have stuck with Mac Jones. Dana is 0 - 3 and last in points and Jake Browning might not be the answer at QB. Dana should start prepping to run the draft board next year because last place is a real possibility.

COLIN vs MENDO: PICK - COLIN / WINNER - MENDO
Overcoming James Conner’s ankle exploding, The Gentleman handled his business with Caleb Williams lighting up the Cowboys defense and Garrett Wilson and Kenneth Walker giving me big games. For Colin, Quentin Johnston continues to prove that he was worth the big free agent bid. Don’t even get me started on Rhamondre Stevenson.

Week 3 Podcast Review

Less of a review and more of just a stream of consciousness riff on this week’s podcast.

“It’s all just about money extraction.” Look out, people! Eli’s woken up to the fact that he lives in a capitalist society! Everyone’s trying to get that last dime before the recession hits.

Joking aside, Eli is right. Daily Fantasy sites are like dating sites; only the select few guys actually benefit and once someone gets a look at how the apps are actually run, we’ll learn that most of the site is bots. I just need to know when that dam breaks because DraftKings stock has been good to me.

Eli, did you listen to all of these podcasts back in the days that you fielded championship teams? Wouldn’t your time be better spent listening to history podcasts so you can beef up the History Corner?

And you have to love that, after the Too Much Gambling rant, the first thing that Eli does is make a bet with Andy on their matchup.

Eli, have you been to Guild Hall, the bar with 200 board games?

There’s an LA text thread? The Gentleman weeps. Alone. But, it’s a day that ends in Y so that’s to be expected.

The first podcast curse of the season! Tucker Kraft injures his knee as the Dandyelions sing his praises.
UPDATE: The first blog anti-curse of the season! As soon as I published the blog, word sprung from Packers camp that Kraft seems to be “all good.”

Can you really be a History Corner if you refer to a groundbreaking man as, “This guy, Admiral Richard Byrd.” And how do you not know about the Antarctic Treaty that involves your family’s island?! TAKE HOLD OF YOUR BIRTHRIGHT, ELI! TREATIES ARE NOTHING IN THIS ERA OF AMERICAN EXCELLENCE!

Side note: Did you know that Richard E. Byrd’s middle name was Evelyn?

Kudos to Andy for blowing the lid off of Eli being one of the podcasters who is taking Russian/Antarctic money. Our own Pablo Torre.

I’m not on the text chain and I don’t get a shout out for listening to the end? What a horrible, no good, demoralizing day. Or, in 2025 terms, just another Thursday.

Can we get an outro song to help promote people listening to the whole pod and also so we leave with something more uplifting than Eli’s “Alright.” At least let us hear the click of the key as your turn off the recording!

WEEK 3 PICKS!

Another 5 - 2 week last week, helped out by shaming Derek into dropping Bryce Young, who would have given his team the victory. Let’s see who The Haters can derail this week.

GAME OF THE WEEK

Kevin vs. Colin
Watson’s #1 & #2 teams face off in the only battle of unbeatens this week. I’ve definitely given Colin’s squad more than enough bulletin board material for them to get hyped up for this one. Both teams have mostly good matchups. One of Colin’s worst matchups is Saquon vs. the Rams but I’m not sure if that defense is legit; they’ve padded their stats playing Houston and Tennessee in the first two weeks. And even if the Rams slow down Saquon, Josh Allen could put up 50 against the hapless Dolphins (in what I think could be Mike McDaniel’s last game as the Dolphins’ head coach. Yes, a week 3 firing would be surprising but they have a long break playing on Thursday and then on Monday next week and why not set the new coach up with a couple of easier games against the Jets and Panthers? Miami doesn’t have a bye until Week 12 and I doubt they want to wait that long to fire McDaniels if things don’t improve.)
I like my chances this week but I like Colin’s matchups more so I’m going pick against myself for the second week in a row.
WINNER: COLIN

DANDYELION DUEL!

Eli vs. Andy
Pride is on the line and the ESPN’s line has this as the blowout of the week! RJ Harvey might be the worst starter in our league and one would think that Tyler Allgeier could get the call over him this week. The one thing going for Andy is that his team does have good matchups this week but I feel like too many of Eli’s guys are also in plus matchups, and Mahomes and Taylor could blow up. If we were going with the spread, I might take the points and pick Wooster but since we’re just making this a straight up call and because we need to continue to boost Eli’s confidence for a late season collapse, I’m going the Commish.
WINNER: ELI

Derek vs. Brett
It’s Deja Vu all over again as Derek has a problem at QB. Derek is to QBs what Patriots GM Eliot Wolf is to WRs; dumping one mistake inevitably just leads to another mistake. Derek got rid of Bryce Young and Cam Ward but he fell for the fool’s gold that is Geno Smith (every QB is going to put up numbers against the Patriots) against a very good Chargers’ defense and now the Raiders are up against a solid Commies D. The QB debacle undercuts what was a solid week for Sadat X with Rome Odunze living up to the hype and Elic Ayomanor was a waiver wire find. The downside for Derek was Rachaad White stealing touches - and, more importantly, goal line carries - from Bucky Irving.
This could be the lowest scoring game of the week as both squads face tough matchups. Brett is going to need Nabers and Kelce to carry his team (and I expect a bounceback game from Travis.) Two of the league’s worst defenses went in opposite directions as Derek picked up a top ranked safety in Brian Branch while Brett added someone named Noah Sewell who is projected for 2.1 points. Still, I’m going to lean towards Jalen Hurts over Geno.
WINNER: BRETT

Dana vs. Player #14
This was supposed to be a battle between Joe Burrow and Jayden Daniels but now it’s potentially Jake Browning vs. Mac Jones. Aaron Jones also went down for The Cancelled One but that actually is a good thing as now Jordan Mason is alone as the RB1 and up against the horrible Bengals defense this week. Dana’s big money guys are mostly off to slow starts and I’m not sure that Week 3 will be any better.
WINNER: PLAYER #14

Johnny vs. Brendan
Emeka Egbuka on the bench hurt Johnny again but, let’s be fair, his close loss to For Better or For Wooster was mostly on Justin Fields getting knocked out of the game (and playing horribly when he was in the game.) And Egbuka might be on the bench again this week as DJ Moore vs. the crappy Cowboys defense might be the better move. But it might not matter as Brendan’s stars have great matchups and I wouldn’t be stunned to see the Jags force feed Brian Thomas Jr. to help him bounce back from last week’s performance. I don’t think this one will be as close as ESPN is predicting.
WINNER: BRENDAN

Rahul vs. Bernie
How much longer can Rahul (and the Ravens) keep trotting out Mark Andrews? Granted, Cade Otten’s barely been better than Andrews (and was actually worse in week 1 with a goose eggs vs. Mark’s 1 point) so the Action Award winner might want to look to shake up his TE spot. Only slightly better than the TE position is Rahul now having to figure out which Giants RB to play. Or perhaps Rahul’s clone doesn’t have the same allegiance to the Giants and will be more willing to slot Bill in as the starter as he’s now the best back in the Capitol. The Lamar/Zay stack covers a lot of shortcomings and it only seems fitting that they would deliver a Monday Night victory over Bernie.
Bernie’s This is 4 D lineup (Daniel, De’Von, Davante, and Drake) hasn’t been able to all hit at the same time but they are still a formidable foursome. Tyler Warren is legit, Keenan Allen must have been eating too much deep dish pizza in Chicago because he’s infinitely better this year and Quinshon Judkins might have already taken over the RB1 spot in Cleveland.
The biggest concern is Chase Brown surviving behind a crappy line and with no Joe Burrow for most of the fantasy season. He’s now a touchdown dependent back who has four tough weeks ahead of him. The other concern is the defense - TJ Watt? More like TJ WASHED! Brandon Jones is a common card name if I’ve ever heard one and I still don’t believe that SirVocea Dennis is a real person.
WINNER: RAHUL

Mark vs. Justin
The Champ is sitting at 0 - 2 and already facing a MUST WIN matchup but, luckily for him, it’s against the not-so-mighty McBarge. Mark’s Triple H (Harrison, Hampton, Henry) hasn’t been delivering the smackdown which must have Mark feeling raw. Losing Reed and Ekeler on Thursday didn’t help matters any but, let’s be real, they weren’t exactly helping much when healthy.
As for The Champ, he “lost” JJ McCarthy but the Aaron Rodgers/DK Metcalf stack should do well against the Patriots (as long as Christian Gonzalez is still out.) AJ Brown seems to have settled into Boom or Bust territory but after two busts in a row, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Eagles made it a priority to get him involved more. Part of me wonders if TJ Hockenson might be able to break out against Cincinnati and with Carson Wentz running the offense but I can’t blame The Champ for benching him. This one will be close but I think, top to bottom, Justin simply has the better options.
WINNER: JUSTIN

MONDAY FUNDAY: Week 2 Sunday Review

My predictions are in bad shape but anything can happen on Monday. And with two games on the docket, half of our games are still up in the air. Let’s see how things break down.

Bernie vs. Mark: PICK: BERNIE / WINNER TBD
Jordan Love did not struggle against the Commies so Mark’s in better shape than I expected. Drake London also proved to be “Not Like Us” if “Us” is fantasy football winners. His paltry Sunday Night performance leaves Bernie and my upset of the week relying on CJ Stroud and Sirvocea Dennis (who I’m not convinced is a real person) to outscore Omarion Hampton (who has come a long way since B2K) by 11.5.
The bigger story is that Jayden Reed and Austin Ekeler’s injuries have depleted Mark’s already suspect depth and he’s going to need to work on Waiver Wire Wizardry. Hunter Henry has been a major disappointment. I thought he was a legit sleeper and he wasn’t even the best TE on the Patriots yesterday. If Bernie somehow pulls out a win on Monday, Mark’s junk bond might be at risk of being delisted.

Brendan vs. Colin: PICK: COLIN / WINNER: TBD
This should have been the Game of the Week, James Cook loudly told Colin that he should have been the Bill that Colin picked, not Josh Allen. This game also requires immediate dividends from high-priced free agent Quentin Johnston. Colin needs about 17 points from Quentin and Ka’imi Fairbairn to take home a W. Brendan’s ‘Boys stack came through but, once again for Colin, Javonte Williams was the surprise star and this week he got help from Rhamondre Stevenson.

Rahul vs. Derek: PICK: RAHUL / WINNER:
For Monday Night, we have Nico Collins and Henry To’oto’o clinging to a 5.3 point lead over Geno Smith and Bucky Irving. Fittingly, the game comes down to Derek’s QB and, well, let’s just say that the haters are hating that Derek listened to them as Bryce Young dropped 27 points on the Cardinals on Sunday and might have put this game away if he was starting for Sadat X. (The Haters, however, are patting themselves on the back as Cam Ward had another stinker.)

Brett vs. Dana: PICK: DANA / WINNER: TBD
On the podcast, Eli said about Joe Burrow, “Mendo said some shit about his line being crappy but Burrow’s line is always crappy and he manages to light it up year in and year out.” DON’T DOUBT THE GENTLEMAN!
Joe Burrow is a loss but I do think there are enough QBs on the waiver wire that it’s not the end of the world. As for this game, Dana appears to be headed for an 0 - 2 hole as he is down like 67 points but he still has five guys left so stranger things have happened.
Brett’s revamped defense put up respectable numbers which should help him get tbe W unless Ladd McConkey puts up a Nabers-esque monster game.

Johnny vs. Andy: PICK: ANDY / WINNER: ANDY
Justin Jefferson did just enough to get Andy the victory, as long as Brock Bowers doesn’t catch a pass, lose ten yards and a fumble. Johnny has some decisions to make with his roster; is it time to give Emeka Egbuka the starting spot? Courtland Sutton started off last season with some up and down weeks and this year doesn’t seem to be much different. It didn’t help that the Lions scored 52 points and Sam LaPorta somehow managed to only get 4.1 points. On the bright side for Johnny, Brandon Aubrey is playing like he deserved to be one of the first guys taken in the draft.
For Andy, it’s an unimpressive win and his RB corps continue to be a red flag. Tyler Allgeier put up a solid game on the bench but neither RJ Harvey or Isaiah Pacheco seem like they can’t be trusted.

Mendo vs. Justin: PICK: JUSTIN / WINNER: MENDO
Where in the world is T.J. Hockenson? After failing to muster a measly 6 points for a win last Monday, Hockenson was only good for one garbage time catch and 1.7 points. The Travis Hunter experiment also failed to pay dividends with Hunter only scoring 6.7 points and Trey Benson, Justin’s FLEX2 guy, doing worse with only 6.4. This led Justin to the lowest scoring performance of the season - 81.7
This game was the Bench Battle Game of the Week with our squads combining for 103.3 points and eight of the 10 bench players outscored their team’s starter. It wasn’t impressive weekend for my squad or my roster choices but I did enough unless the supposed 1% chance of Daiyan Henley scoring -39 points happens.

JD vs. Eli: PICK: ELI / WINNER: ELI
DO WE BELIEVE YET?! Eli with a monster game, which is even more impressive when you see the Derrick Henry gave him just 2.3 points. Player #14 isn’t completely out of it; Jakobi Meyers and Mike Evans could have monster Monday nights but Watson only gives Eli a 2% chance of losing so I think, given the cancellation of his foe, we can just chalk this up as a win for Eli already.

Week 2 Podcast Review!

MOVIES: Andy, there’s a reason that the sequel to 28 Years Later is called “The Bone Temple.”

Eli, “The Roses” was a miserable experience but no surprise that a guy who watched Happy Gilmore 2 enjoyed it. “The Roses” currently sits as my 31st ranked film, just below “Fight or Flight” which would be a better film for Andy to watch with Mark.

Back to Andy, I highly recommend avoiding “Marriage Story” - that Scarlett Johansson/Adam Driver movie.

AWARDS: I’m not sure about The Cottonmouth Captain Obvious King of the Week award. Highest scoring player? Yawn. We need more cutting edge analysis than that. I’m sure Rahul’s math-obsessed clone appreciates something so cut and dry but I think the rest of the league deserves more. But at least we got some real emotion when Eli stepped on Andy’s donut award! It’s nice to hear that Andy actually cares! Andy, imagine that back and forth lasting two hours and that’s what “Marriage Story” is like.

BLOG: RE: the lack of an email about The Gentleman’s blog, I didn’t want to spam people with emails so a once-a-week reminder on the ESPN page that the blog still exists is what I’m going with. Besides the email I sent about this post, of course.

BAD ROSTER MOVES: Despite the praise for the Dandyelions, I was still second in Points on the Pine with JK Dobbins ouplaying Kenneth Walker and Caleb Williams outscoring Kyler Murray. Now I have another decision with JK and just K. The Steelers are supposed to have the best defensive line in the NFL but got eaten up by the Jets (but they have a great offensive line which Seattle does not.)

FACTOID: Madison Beer, the future Mrs. Justin Herbert, is a Grammy-nominated, Platinum-selling recording artist. I had to Google that; I was thinking of Addison Rae when I first heard the hot goss about the two.

CANCELLED: I’m down with never speaking the name of the league’s Voldermort and will refrain from using his name again in the blog.

AI RANT: AI is only as good as what it is trained on and it seems like Fantasy Football AI was trained on the output by the idiotic pundits and “experts”. Also, when AI is truly conscious, it will probably not want to waste any time on the trivial randomness that is fantasy football.
Also also, AI is much like CGI - people complain that CGI hasn’t gotten better since something like Jurassic Park but the problem is that special effects are now rushed and often understaffed. The fact that so many AI platforms were released despite the fact that nobody can figure out how to stop their AI from hallucinating isn’t a knock on AI, it’s a knock on the humans who are running the companies in charge of it. There’s an AI race and people want to get their shit out first, even if it’s flawed.

SPACE: The NASA evidence supports my theory that there has been, at varying points in time, life on most planets in our solar system. Life begins on a planet, but then that planet is destroyed by said life, and then eons later, life begins again on the next closest planet to the Sun.

MISSED PUN: If the steakhouse is MAGA, I’d say all Bavettes are off.

PUNISHMENT: I’ll reiterate my idea that the worst team in the league has to run the draft board.

HISTORY: I was going to invite Eli to trivia on Tuesday but if he thinks that the London Bridge trivia is news, I’m second guessing that invite. Anybody else down for some trivia next Tuesday at Kiez Küche & Beer Garden?

Week 2 Picks

With TJ Hockenson letting everyone down and being unable to bring Justin the UPSET OF THE WEEK, I opened the season with a 5 - 2 record. I don’t have as much confidence in this week are there are a lot of close matchups.

GAME OF THE WEEK

Brett vs. Dana: This could be the highest scoring game of the week as I expect Jalen Hurts and Joe Burrow to light things up and I wouldn’t be surprised to see vintage Tyreek Hill destroy the Patriots. I think the Flex spots might be the difference makers and, keeping with my draft approach, I lean towards RBs over WRs.
PICK: DANA

UPSET OF THE WEEK

Bernie vs. Mark: The Drake London injury is worrisome but Bernie has enough depth to fill that spot. I think the key to the game is going to be Jordan Love vs. CJ Stroud, with Love struggling a bit against the Commies, while Stroud has a big game against the Bucs.
PICK: BERNIE

THE REST OF THE WEEK

Rahul vs. Derek: Derek’s questionable QB options lived down to expectations, as everyone predicted. His Week 1 brought to mind this meme.

Perhaps there’s a waiver wire savior out there for Derek, and I assume Ja’Marr Chase will have a bounceback week but Bucky Irving faces a stout Houston defense and I think Lamar Jackson should be able to carry Rahul to victory.
PICK: RAHUL

Johnny vs. Andy: I hate to say it but Andy has some great matchups and could outplay his projections, as people always do against Johnny. Brock Bowers’s injury looms large but I feel like Drake Maye should put up points and I like Andy’s marquee guys better than Johnny’s deeper squad.
PICK: ANDY

Mendo vs. Justin: Kyler Murray and James Conner are going to need to have big games for me to have a chance this weekend. Last week, I had the matchups in my favor but this week, Justin has the better set-up. The Travis Hunter Experiment could pay dividends with Hunter facing the Bengals.
PICK: JUSTIN

JD vs. Eli: Neither team seems to have good matchups this week but I think Jaylen Waddle and Amon-Ra St. Brown will tip the scales. Jeff had the best news of the week as Tank Bigsby was dealt to Philly, which kills his value, but is a massive boost to Travis Etienne. This makes the Veep even more loaded at RB but, as The Gentleman has noted before, his trade policies are worse than his namesake’s so he might not be willing to make the necessary moves.
PICK: ELI

Brendan vs. Colin: Brendan squeaked out a schedule win, not breaking 100 but still earning the W. I feel like the Giants defense might be better than expected so the Cowboys stack could have another down week. If Javonte Williams reaps the benefits again, then this one could be a blowout. Colin seems to be the frontrunner for Mea Culpa Award.
PICK: COLIN