Power Rankings: The Borts Supremacy

1. The Fighting Borts (Original Rank: 13)
The Commish is on a tear! If teams played everyone each week, our skinny Chiklis’s record would be an astonishing 41 - 7. He’s now weathered two lousy Derrick Henry games and still has put up 120+ points each time (something his podcast co-host has yet to muster even once.) Patrick Mahomes is turning back the clock. The Indy Duo of Jonathon Taylor and Michael Pittman seem to be healthy and back to where they were a couple years ago. Amon-Ra St. Brown is showing why he was my main WR target this year, Jaylen Waddle is now WR1 in Miami, and on top of all that, the Borts snuck in while everyone was sleeping and picked up Woody Marks to bolster one of the stronger benches in the league.
At this point, the only negative to this season is Eli’s fake news History Corner but that can almost be forgiven until his squad loses a game.

2. The McBarge (OR: 12)
Mark’s starting lineup has exploded the last two weeks and the question is: is this run sustainable, like Ray A. Kroc’s evil plan to steal McDonald’s from the rightful founders, or is it short-lived greatness like the McRib? I’m betting that this is real. Omarion Hampton looks like an absolute beast. Puka Nacua has become vintage Cooper Kupp. Hunter Henry just needed me to drop him in my other leagues to start living up to my sleeper prediction. The bench is worrisome so there’s not a lot of room for error and I’m not completely confident in Marvin Harrison Jr. and Ricky Pearsall but right now, you can’t deny that The McBarge is cruising.

3. Uncle Rico’s Ruffnecks (OR: 14)
Despite being a hard luck 2 - 2, Colin continues to be the favorite to win the Mea Culpa Award next draft. Quentin Johnston is The Move of the Year. Javonte Williams is The Value of the Year. I liked Deebo in D.C. and he’s even better now that Terry McLaurin is banged up. Most of Colin’s starters rank near the top of their position and there’s no reason to think they’ll slow down. If I was Colin, I’d look at moving Tucker Kraft and Xavier Worthy for an upgrade at WR or RB but why should the Ruffneck listen to me when he’s on a tear! (Although it seems like I’ve won our Jaylen Waddle > Tyreek Hill bet.)

4. The Gentleman in the Corner (OR: 4)
The Gentleman waited a week too long to try to package James Conner and a WR to acquire a better #2 WR and that could be the difference this season. Of the top teams, the Corner Boys have the most glaring weakness in the starting lineup. Jerry Jeudy is matchup dependent and Jauan Jennings needs to prove he can make it through a game without getting hurt before I can trust him. Facing the easiest schedule so far this year, the Gentleman were embarrassed by Johnny who didn’t even need to start a full lineup to win. FantasyPros still has me tied for first in their Rest of Season power rankings but I have a feeling that this team could be a paper tiger.

5. Ktttssss!!! (OR: 5)
I still have faith in Bernie! Indiana Jones came back down to Earth on Sunday but the Rams are one of the better defenses in the NFL so that shouldn’t be a huge cause of concern. Quinshon Judkins is already the MVP of the Browns offense. Chase Brown is basically the weak link here and it doesn’t look like things are going to get better for him in near future. At this point, he’s a bye week fill-in. I think Bernie should be playoff-bound but he needs to make a move if he wants to reach contender status.

6. Pete Hegseth’s Handmaiden (OR: 2)
As with his own body, The Veep is struggling to maintain a Tight End. Week after week, Travis Etienne has been benched despite being one of the team’s best players; the executive decisions by this manager are about as logical as his namesake’s boss. While I approved the JJ/JJ trade, I do have some concerns about Chuba Hubbard and the Jordan Mason/Aaron Jones combo once Jones gets healthy. The talent in this roster still has this team as a playoff squad but I’m not sure if they are a true contender.

7. Double Dram-Ba-Ba-Bouie (OR:6)
FantasyPros has Rahul’s team as the #1 squad for the rest of the season but Lamar Jackson’s health might undo that. The Andrews/Zay stack was already dicey but it’s gonna crap out if Cooper Rush is the QB. Does Rahul remember that he has Jordan Addison on the bench? Rahul also got the peak Braelon Allen experience - he starts off strong, then fumbles away a chance for a TD, and then gets hurt and is possibly headed to the IR. The starters here are solid but this team only goes as far as Lamar Jackson’s hammy takes them.

8. Essos Son Reebok o Nike (OR: 9)
Johnny is my pick for team that could make a big jump in the next power rankings. This is a solid team and if Justin Fields is upright, he’s liable to put up 30 points. I think the Sneaker Pimp is another team that should look at offering 2 for 1’s to upgrade the RB position - sell high on D’Andre Swift along with either Tet McMillan or DJ Moore.

9. Clay Says Shiit Shiiiiiiiiiiiit! (OR: 7)
The Champ could be a few spots higher after two boom weeks but injury woes and AJ Brown’s disappearance are weighing them down this round. I’m also nervous about how much wear and tear Christian McCaffrey can take. He’s now essentially a WR who gets carries. He’s averaging just 3.3 yards a carry and hasn’t topped 70 yards in a game yet. The Travis Hunter gambit continues to be a nothingburger. With games of 94, 81, 144, and 164, Clays Says is the epitome of a high ceiling, low floor team and, for now, I’m thinking we’ll see more of the floor than the ceiling.

10. Sadat X (OR: 3)
Apparently, Derek doesn’t bother with the blog but the Gentleman will hold no grudge and will still rank his team thusly. Geno Smith now has 2 TDs and 6 INTs when playing for Derek as opposed to 4 TDs and 1 INT when he’s free of the Curse of Sadat X. Miraculously, Geno’s 13.7 this week is the best QB performance for Sadat X this season. Ja’Marr Chase might be one of the worst first overall picks in recent memory. If Bucky Irving’s injury is more serious than we’ve been led to believe, this team plummets to the bottom. The one reason I have them this high is that Rome Odunze is legit and Rashee Rice’s return is right around the corner and the QB situation can’t get any worse, can it?
EDIT: Breaking news - the Bengals are talking to the Giants about Russell Wilson or Jameis Winston. If Winston is traded to Cincy, the Jameis/Ja’Marr stack could breathe new life into Sadat X!

11. Thee Gospel (OR: 1)
The CeeDee Lamb injury was an obvious blow but Brian Thomas Jr. seems to be suffering a sophomore slump and if Kendre Miller steals more work from Alvin Kamara, then Brendan isn’t going to have enough firepower to win most weeks. On the bright side, Brendan’s mustered two ugly wins so far but he faces the four of the top teams in the next four weeks so the schedule isn’t helping him sneak by while Lamb licks his wounds.

12. K-Kel Inc. (OR: 8)
K-Kel was already struggling before Malik Nabers went down; I’m just not sure how they can put up enough each week to make it out of the bottom. Jalen Hurts can only carry this team so far as this might be the roster with the lowest floor. Besides Hurts, this also is a team filled with Sell Low assets so I’m not sure what trades could be made to salvage the season.

13. One Shady Motha (OR: 10)
Andy solved his RB issue by trading for Josh Jacobs but now his WRs are woeful. The best thing going for Calvin Ridley is the Titans being so terrible that they might trade him before the deadline. Jameson Williams is more bust than boom in an offense with so many weapons. Matthew Golden has his best game of the season and still couldn’t muster double-digits. Calvin Austin did this team a favor by getting hurt so Andy would stop starting him.
Week 4 was almost a moral victory as the Dubious Matriarch neared 120 points for the first time but they came up short. The Gentleman can’t take Andy’s team seriously until it manages back-to-back games in triple digits. Until then, the Shady Lady is bumbling her way to the bottom.

14. Caviar Fake Titties (OR: 11)