Week 8 Waiver Wire

FREE SPENDIN’ RAHUL IS BACK!

Apparently, last Tuesday night, Rahul was visited by the ghost of Carson Steele, who whispered GET YOUR MOTHER FUCKIN’ GUY! Now, we don’t know why Carson was shirtless and in assless chaps in this vision but we here in the corner don’t judge so get your guy in any manner that floats your boat, Rahul! (This gay panic joke was for The Veep who I’m sure is reeling after last night’s blue tsunami. When reached for comment, The Veep said, “You know why they are calling it a tsunami? Because the t is silent, just like the testosterone is silent in these socialist soy boys that just got elected to destroy America.”)
But back to the waiver wire, Devin Singletary got three bids this week. $0 from Derek. $3 from Johnny. And $41 from Rahul! Listen, I hope that Devin does well as he was a popular late round pick in my Best Ball Drafts but I can’t abide by this kind of fiscal irresponsibility. Maybe Rahul thought Prop 40 would tax his FAAB money so he felt the need to spend it.

I have to admit, I thought I might be the overspender of the week, dropping $19 on a Jets receiver but Nico actually outbid me for this week’s belle of the ball, Adonai Mitchell. $25 dollars on a Jets receiver has never ended well but we shall see.

Four bidders for fashion designer Christian Ellis. Eli tried to get him back but Yurk wasn’t having it, doubling up Eli’s bid and landing himself a Patriot for $6.

I don’t know how good Malik Willis is going to be for Johnny but I’m mostly happy that bum ass Mark Andrews is no longer rostered in the league. Our long national nightmare is over! Johnny went for back-to-back jacks as then he won the next bid (albeit against nobody) to land Eddy Pineiro, who The Veep says should have been deported while the GOP still had control of Congress.

Oh, Eli. I know the waiver wire is thin but did you really need to bid a dollar for Quentin Johnston? QJ is coming off a season high 4 catches for a whopping 37 yards and maybe Eli is hoping that Ladd McConkey will help open up the deep game for Quentin but I’m just not sure why you’d pick up someone that you are going to absolutely despise starting any given week. But Eli isn’t alone on this questionable loyalty; the Chargers decided to pick up Johnston’s fifth year option.

The blue wave washed Tyler Loop off of The Veep’s roster. Player #14 went with Will Lutz, possibly because he shares the same last name as Republican pollster Frank Lutz. Or maybe because Louisiana was one of the few states to stay red.

Derek gets a guy! Derek was unfazed by having no free agent money left and put in bids for the top targets but he finally get on the board by bringing an end to the latest Bryce Young Era - how many times is Derek going to pick up this turd? - and Sadat X has decided to go with JJ McCarthy. I’m rooting for JJ because I thought the trade grade articles were so stupid when the Vikings moved him. I know he hasn’t been great but it was a fifth round pick and the Vikings were starting Kyler Murray, who is an absolute mess.

Brett wins the “Who?!” awards this week, picking up Micah McFadden, who sounds like a sexually confused youth pastor.

Yurk is bringing a Super Bowl winner in to replace Lamar Jackson. Sam Darnold has an interception in six straight games and has failed to crack 200 yards in three of his last five games and his best game yardage wise saw him throw three picks so I guess what I’m saying is that Yurk’s really going to miss Lamar.

Johnny picked up Carl Granderson. I’m not sure how a journeyman outfielder is eligible for our league but hey, Johnny’s cooking with three pickups already this week so I’ll allow it!

Eli punished Amani Hooker for picking up his QB Joe Burrow by dropping him despite Hooker putting up 17 points last week. But I kind of get it; CJ Allen is allegedly the future in Indianapolis and he will probably get a lot of opportunities to make tackles on that shit show of a team.

A week after Derek brought upon Curse Cousins by dropping KIRK! for Jacoby Brissett, Derek had the gall to list our lord and savior as his FOURTH option at QB. I mean, yeah, Kirk is playing the Niners, Seahawks, and Broncos the next three weeks so it’s probably going to get ugly but, on the bright side, I doubt the Raiders will want to throw Fernando Mendoza into the fire against those defenses.

But Derek wasn't done! Apparently, he has not had enough of the Eagles RB circus, dropping Dameon Pierce and adding Elijah Mitchell. Listen, I think Elijah Mitchell is a good running back but if you’re the Eagles why would you ever sign a guy who is as injury prone as Elijah Mitchell?! Dude has never played a full season and, after his rookie season, has never carried the ball more than 75 times. Do they have an IR kink or something? Why not bring back Miles Sanders at this point? More seriously, I always think that there are probably some talented guys out there who just never have gotten a shot and, at this point in a lost season for Philly, why not give some of these untested backs a shot and see if maybe you could find a diamond in the rough?

Johnny saw Eli lead the league in scoring after leading the week in roster pickups and decided to follow suit, He sold his share of Minshew Magic in Kendrick Bourne (EDIT: I’ve just learned that Bourne is on the IR with a broken leg) and decided to go with Jordan Watkins, one of the last Niner WRs standing.

This week’s early bird was Player #14 who dropped Akeem Davis-Gaither for a white guy who plays in Louisiana. After clicking to make the move official, word is that The Veep was disappointed to find that it didn’t make him feel any better.

Good job everyone keeping the waiver wire alive!