Week 9 Picks Review!

An exciting Monday Night that I couldn’t watch because I have YouTube TV left me with a 4 - 3 record for the week. But much like what I hope happens in the Tuesday elections, we saw the down and out rise to power and MAGA couldn’t meet the moment!

ELI vs MARK - PICK: ELI / WINNER: ELI
At this point, there just seems to be an intimidation factor at work. Teams simply can’t bring their A game against Eli. No play exemplified Mark’s effort this week like Jordan Love’s last ditch effort against the Panthers in which he scrambled, directed his player to run somewhere, and then he threw the ball directly at a cornerback. At least the fantasy pundits got one right this week - with some luck, Cole Kmet went out with an injury, opening up the targets for Loveland - and Eli was able to overcome a weak effort from Jonathon Taylor. This blowout also puts Eli closer to locking down the Points title. I’m starting to think Eli’s draft night tantrums help him focus his drafting acumen and his relatively mellower draft days of recent memory are what kept him from getting back into the winner’s circle. In other words, Eli’s domination is all Bernie’s fault.

BERNIE vs JUSTIN - PICK: BERNIE / WINNER: BERNIE
The Champ, beset by injuries on all sides, did his best but DK Metcalf not showing up and Bernie’s defense blowing out the Hunter-less Shiiiiit meant that Justin moved one step closer to being eliminated from the playoffs. This year, he’s less Clay Davis and more Clay Aiken. It was a league leading points week for Bernie, even with a lackluster game from Daniel Jones, a performance that has gotten Indianapolis Jones BENCHED in favor of Jaxson Dart, who people still can’t believe Rahul didn’t bid on. Bernie’s wide receiver pickups are paying off but Tory “Don’t Call Me Holt” “Also, don’t call me Timmy” Horton, was dealt a blow today. It looked like he was going to surpass Cooper Kupp on the depth chart but then Seattle traded for Rashid Shaheed.

DEREK vs COLIN - PICK: COLIN / WINNER: COLIN
On the bright side, even if Derek hadn’t made the Ja’Marr Chase trade, he still would have lost. It would have been an excruciating .9 loss rather than an 11 point Monday Night comeback so at least he’s not sitting around hoping for a stat correction right now. At 2 - 7, Derek’s season is all but wrapped up. For Colin, it was a costly victory as he lost Tucker Kraft for the season. It’s not a major blow because he still has Trey McBride, however, it means he’s relying on Chris Godwin, Xavier Worthy, or Rhamondre Stevenson in his second flex spot (unless he finds a last season waiver wire gem.)

RAHUL vs THE GENTLEMAN - PICK: RAHUL / WINNER: RAHUL
The Gentleman falls to a woeful 1 - 4 in home games this year. Get my squad on the road where they know how to score touchdowns! The Corner Boys dropped their worst game of the season and, yes, the Jets were on a bye but if you’re defense of your fantasy team is “But the Jets were on a bye” then you probably don’t have a very good fantasy team.
Lamar Jackson is back to carry Rahul’s team but the running back position is a massive Achilles heel. Tyrone Tracy Jr. and Jacory Croskey-Merritt almost had more names than points, combining for a woeful 9.6 points this week. Both guys were outplayed by their backups, if we can call them backups since Devin Singletary got more carries than Tracy and Chris Rodriguez got the same amount of carries as Bill but had all of the red zone snaps.

BRETT vs BRENDAN - PICK: BRENDAN / WINNER: BRETT
I really wanted to make this the upset of the week and I should have. This one wasn’t close as Brett almost doubled up Brendan. It might be time to call it a season on Alvin Kamara. Juaun Jennings hasn’t been great but he’s getting red zone looks and is delivering more consistently than Alvin, who has scored about 11 points the last three weeks combined and has only reached double-digits three times this year (and two of those were the first two weeks of the season.) Brendan’s commitment to Zaire Franklin and TJ Edwards isn’t helping him much either. And next, he faces his golfing buddy/mentee, the Vance to Brendan’s Peter Thiel - without the Dak/CeeDee stack. Now, this, obviously, is the part of the movie in which everyone thinks the monster is dead, right before he makes a shocking return, so we can’t count out the Brendandook yet but things are looking grim.

DANA vs JOHNNY - PICK: JOHNNY / WINNER: DANA
AND THEY MOCKED THE CALEB WILLIAMS TRADE! Caleb blew up against the declawed Bengals defense and Dana gets himself into a tie for last place instead of sitting there alone with one solitary win. Johnny had another high scoring loss but at least this time, he was still the 6th highest scoring team of the week so it’s not as annoying of a loss. It is insane though how people seem to save up their biggest games for Johnny; this was Dana’s best performance by almost 30 points. What should concern Johnny about this loss is that this was his only allged surefire win as he doesn’t have it easy the rest of the way. I don’t want to say next week is a must win matchup but he is staring down a potential Eli-esque collapse right now.

PLAYER #14 vs ANDY - PICK: PLAYER #14 / WINNER: ANDY
APOLOGIES TO ANDY! I DIDN’T SEE THE VISION! Andy set it up beautifully. He starts to cuddle up to the cancelled one. Then he retreats from the podcast. Everyone thinks all is lost. He wounded. Damaged good. And then when he plays Player #14, ANDY DROPS THE HAMMER ON HIM! The Gentleman loves a long con and kudos to Andy for delivering a brilliant one! Andy even gave Player #14 some hope by having Boutte drop a donut in the early games but it was One Shady Motha for the win!
On the downside, this game probably only emboldened The Veep’s deep-seated racism as he would have won had he relied on the old white guy instead of the young black quarterback. Reports from the OC are that The Veep’s neighbors are hearing heavy usage of the rocking chair and non-stop mutterings of “You can’t spell Daniels without DEI!” On the bright side, Daniels is the latest player to refuse to play for Player #14. I mean, c’mon, the injury had to be CGI, right? But the return of Rico Dowdle to RB1 for the Panthers bodes well for Player #14.
Back to Andy, he now faces the easiest stretch of his season, as he’s facing three of the bottom teams in the next four weeks. I think everyone is hoping that Andy can squeak out a couple of wins because nobody wants to have to deal with him trying to run the draft board next year. A last place finish for Andy is really a punishment for the league as a whole.