Week 3 Results

A lousy 4 - 5 week but I did nail 7 out of 9 of the Points Victors. This week was a good one for the roto angle that the league added as 2/3s of the top scorers faced off against each other.

The noise of Week 1 is starting to clear and we’re seeing the best teams start to break away and the worst teams get exposed. Sadly, my team is the latter and I’m not sure there’s much hope on the horizon.

GAME OF THE WEEK

BRENDAN vs COLIN - PICK: BRENDAN / WINNER: BRENDAN
Well, at least one team lived up to the Game of the Week billing. Brendan’s big three of Stafford, Bijan, and JSN beat Colin’s team by about 4 points. Colin has never won this year when Josh Allen scores fewer than 39 points. Javonte Williams held up his end of the bargain and Parker Washington has taught Bernie that maybe he should listen to those podcasts that everyone else listens to. I hate to knock someone for showing loyalty but I’m just not sure Khalil Shakir should ever see the starting lineup again.

BATTISTA’S DUD OF THE WEEK

ERIC vs MARK - PICK: MARK / WINNER: ERIC
Oh Mark. He dropped Harold Mevis and the Rams kicker would have been his highest scoring non-QB this week, which isn’t saying THAT much as none of his non-QB’s broke double digits. His new kicker Trey Smack put up a measly two points. Jaylen Waddle proved that Eli has an unbelievable knack of calling when WRs won’t deliver… except when they are on his own team. And apparently, nobody told Oronde Gadsen that he was the last TE standing for the Chargers as he dropped a goose egg and only had three targets. Eric walks away as the victor of the Toilet Bowl in large part because Jaylen Warren outplayed Chase Brown.

UPSET OF THE WEEK

BRETT vs. MENDO - PICK: BRETT / WINNER: BRETT
Easiest pick of the week although I was way off about the Monday Night game meaning much. For a half, it looked like there was a chance that my benching Michael Wilson could cost me a W but Jalen Hurts did just enough to put that concern to bed. Heading into Monday Night, I was nervous about a potential second straight 50 point loss but Philly somehow couldn’t do much against Chicago’s defense.
It was the second straight game with no TDs by my non-QBs but at least this week I had one TD on the bench. KC Concepcion is incredibly annoying to watch. It’s not his fault but the plays they call for him are barely open and then when he’s the 4th option, he’s WIDE open but Deshaun Watson never sees him. I really need to stick to my pre-draft plans next year but also, I need to remember that I should draft guys who are on teams that I want to watch.
Brett grabbing Breece Hall’s handcuff is paying off as Hall is week-to-week with a thigh injury.

THE REST

RAHUL vs. PLAYER #14 - PICK: PLAYER #14 / WINNER: PLAYER #14
In one of the greatest moral victories of the 21st century, Rahul made it through a week without losing a player to injury! He also managed to break Player #14’s streak of 50 point wins. He only lost by 40+! I questioned The Veep holding onto Mack Hollins and he delivered a double-digit day. which is something I don’t see on my roster. More good news for Rahul is that Dillon Thieneman outscored his projection and gave the team 9 points. Bad news is that Dillon Thieneman outscored Saquon Barkley. Word is that Saquon is not happy right now but he is at least pleased to be playing on the team with the best name in the league.
Player #14 probably didn’t even notice the games this week as he was too busy jerking off to the clearly unethical Trump ad that we paid for with our tax dollars.

ELI vs DEREK - PICK: ELI / WINNER: DEREK
I’m going to blame my guilt for being so mean to the podcast for this pick. And while it’s not quite the moral victory that Rahul had, Eli can bask in the glory of knowing that he picked the correct wide receiver this week. The downside is that the guy he picked - Quentin Johnston - still only scored 5.5 points.
Derek should have bid more for Tyler Shough but he dodged a bullet by not bidding enough for Kyler Murray. The big headline for Sadat X was an injury that I feel like nobody gives a shit about but Travis Etienne went down with an injury that could cause him to miss some time. Travis was apparently overshadowed by the better Achane’s more severe injury. There’s also the fact that the NFC South is basically the Tiffany Trump of the NFL - she rarely, if ever, does anything noteworthy and when she does, who gives a shit?

NICO vs BERNIE - PICK: NICO / WINNER: NICO
Apologies to Watson as this was indeed the highest scoring matchup of the week as Bernie was able to break 100 points and nab a Points Victory but that didn’t stop him from getting 50+ pieced and Flight Club’s #1 fan will have a new name this week. Nico must be regretting leaving so much money on the table by not being in this league all of those years as he’s making this league look like light work. What’s scary is that this wasn’t even Nico’s optimal lineup this week as all three of this bench players broke double-digits. The only real threat Nico has right now are bye weeks as he has a couple of weeks that might force him to make some moves (although those issues will be lessened once he puts Jayden Reed on t he IR.)

JOHNNY vs. YURK - PICK: YURK / WINNER: JOHNNY
Yurk is looking to win the award for season-long smallest margin of defeat as it’s one game after another that falls in the margin of error. In this case, the margin was basically the difference between the shockingly benched Jameson Williams and Rashid Shaheed (I always forget which name has the i and which the ee). I hope Yurk kneels in front of the Jameson jersey and prays for forgiveness and for the stat correction gods to be on his side. Shouldn’t it be stat correction god? Are there really multiple deities involved with fantasy statistics? And if there are, why do they take so long to figure out the errors and fix them? Anyway, the Odysseus of Alabama needs to do something to right his ship and improve his standing with the higher power.

NATE vs DANA - PICK: DANA / WINNER: NATE
In the other Battle for the Bottom (which is coincidentally is also the name of a game Eli and Dana play on their first night sharing a room in Vegas every year), Nate was able to sneak by in large part because of his IDPs and kicker but also because Devon Achane got hurt. I would also like to point out that the first week that the podcast didn’t besmirch the good name of Señor Side Convo, he was able to focus on the game and ride his unblemished confidence to bring home a W.
The schedule makers knew what they were doing as Mark and Dana don’t face off until Week 13 so the person who runs the next draft might not be decided until the penultimate week of the season. (And, if my team keeps sucking, it might be sorted out in the final week when I play Dana.)

ANDY vs GRANT - PICK: GRANT / WINNER: ANDY
Luther "The Beast of Burden gave Andy the big Monday Night comeback! Grant & the league’s most surprising team couldn’t maintain their undefeated season but they did pick up a Points Victory to stay near the top of the heap. Despite my bad mouthing of Khalif Raymond, he really seems to be a key player in the Bears’ offense and it might be tough to keep him on the bench, especially with both Stefon Diggs and Chris Godwin now dealing with backups for the near future.

TOP 9: Brendan, Bernie, Derek, Nico, Brett, Player #14, Johnny, Mendo, Colin. (Missed: Yurk and Andy.)