Week 10 Picks

GAME OF THE WEEK

COLIN vs NICO
This looks to be a high powered battle that might, annoyingly, come down to the kickers or, depressingly, the Patriots’ defense. Can the Pats slow down either Gibbs or Amon-Ra? Christian Gonzalez has something to prove after the Thursday Night disaster. Josh Allen will, as usual, be the key for Colin but he also has a huge advantage at WR as I just have little faith in Germie and Deebo. Kyren Williams should help Nico keep this one close but I’m thinking Hunter Henry and Brandon Aubrey are going to tip the scales and keep Colin in the contender conversation.
PICK: COLIN

UPSET OF THE WEEK

BRENDAN vs GRANT
Brendan appears to be trying to pull The Ungentlemanly Gambit and seeing if he can win without dropping someone to pick up a third IDP player, something Mendo pulled off against Andy a few years back. I’m not sure if holding onto Kaleb Johnson - the 5th best RB on Thee roster and who has a bye next week - is really worth it but hey, I’m not the guy who keeps Eli up at night.
Do you think that Eli is going to order all Hall of Fame jackets in his own size? I feel like that’s something he’d do to spite Brendan when he gets inducted next year. If there even is another Hall of Fame vote.
Watson doesn’t seem to think that the IDP will matter, especially after Stefon Diggs’s heroics on Thursday - Maybe signing Romeo Doubs over Diggs wasn’t a smart move by the Patriots who haven’t made a great move at WR since drafting Julian Edelman in the 7th round - but I just think the Bijan and JSN are going to have big games to help Brendan keep pace at the top of the standings. The wild card is Stafford and his no name receiving corps but I feel like he could surprise against the putrid Cardinals pass defense. In a world where safeties are getting big returns in trades, why did the Cards hold onto Budda Baker?
PICK: BRENDAN

BATTISTA”S HOLE IN THE WALL DUD OF THE WEEK

RAHUL vs DANA
Even Carson Steele was embarrassed by Devin “41 dollars” Singletary’s performance on Thursday. .7 points is almost worse than just tossing up a goose egg. On the flip side, The Gentleman would like to take credit for Dana having a potential game changer on his roster as he told The Davis That Can’t Dance to draft Emmett Johnson, who should probably start over Ashton Jeanty this week (if Kenneth Walker is indeed out.)
Rahul is currently short a WR since Carnell Tate is out but he has an empty roster spot so I’m not sure why he hasn’t filled his roster yet. Maybe he’s waiting to see if AJ Brown will be able to play but why not pick someone up and drop them if AJ is hurt? It’s a little late for the team that spent $65 on Singletary and Marshawn Lloyd to start being frugal with roster moves.
I wish I had someone who believed in me as much as Dana believes in Keon Coleman.
PICK: DANA

THE REST

PLAYER #14 vs BERNIE
Rumor has it that Player #14 petitioned the league to force Bernie to forfeit because he slept with a Chinese spy. When informed that that was a very different Asian person who did that, The Veep shrugged, “Well, that’s what I get for just looking just looking at the photo.” and then he spent the next twenty minutes explaining how excited he was to be starting The Million Dollar Man’s bodyguard in his flex spot.
This was going to be Game of the Week because both teams are high in the standings but then I looked at the matchups and also realized that the standings don’t really matter all that much with this new playoff format. I guess there’s something on the line for Bernie because there’s a bye, I think, but I really haven’t had to concern myself with the goings on of the top of the standings this season so I’ve forgotten what the hell is happening there.
This could be a bit of a Travis Hunter revenge game as Bernie did flirt with the Hunter Gambit for a week or so this season but I think Maye, Hubbard, Olave, and Tuten will carry The Snake to a two W week as he continues his reign at the top of the standings.

JOHNNY vs ANDY
Reports are that Andy saved the podcast this week; I think there’s a direct correlation to the podcast’s life cycle and the performance of the Dandyelions’ teams. If Andy wasn’t in 4th place, would the podcast persist?
After the success of the Spoken Word poems at the draft, why hasn’t their been any Spoken Word in the podcast? Or was poetry banned from the pod after the dismal ratings the infamous Haiku episode?
This could be another upset of the week but I’m disqualifying it because the upset is due to injuries. Johnny had the upper hand heading into the week as Andy’s Bucky Irving is on bye but with Kenneth Walker and Denzel Boston banged up, Andy takes the lead. This should be a close one but I think Andy will be able to do just enough to keep the podcast alive for another week.
PICK: ANDY

ELI vs MENDO
Once again, Eli somehow manages to lead the league in roster moves and unfilled Saturday starting lineups as he’s kickerless heading into the weekend. I know Omarion Hampton’s been bad but has he been benched for Treylon Burks and Konata Mumpfield bad?
This game was an easy call even before Isaiah Likely’s big Thursday night game. The matchups favor The Corner Boys and I believe this week will get them back into the playoffs, which is huge since next week is a Byepocalypse for this team and a likely 2 loss week.
PICK: MENDO

NATE vs ERIC
This one wasn’t going to be close and then Nate’s top guys dropped 58.2 points on Thursday night. Now the difference in this one is as big as the Coolness gap between the names of Eric’s WRs. Xavier Worthy sounds like an epic superhero while Tutu Atwell sounds like the second understudy in an off-Broadway rendition of Bye Bye Birdie. Fun Fact: Tute’s real name is Chatarius Antwan Atwell Jr. It’s a shame that his mother’s maiden name doesn’t start with a C because then his initials could be CACA, which is more befitting because he’s closer to shit than a graceful ballerina.
PICK: NATE

YURK vs BRETT
Tubo’s Game of the Week - It’s Estime vs. Flournoy! Are Estime and Flournoy starters in this matchup or the names of medications that are advertised ad nauseam during streaming broadcasts? (My guess is Flournoy is a nasal spray and Estime is a boner pill.) But this matchup has it all. Underwhelming QBs. RBs on bad teams. Brett is starting two Packers WRs against the best defense in the NFL. Dear Evan McPherson was able to put up 11 points against the Steelers in their first meeting but I’m not sure it’s going to matter - I think Yurk’s WRs should give him the edge while Brock Bowers is slowed down by Seattle’s defense.
There’s always the CJ Stroud wildcard but I think Cleveland’s defense could bring him down to Earth a bit.
PICK: YURK

DEREK vs MARK
The worst part about drafting players on bad teams is you end up being invested in watching the crappiest games of the week. So I feel for Mark who has some nice matchups but he’s going to be stuck watching Saints/Panthers, Dolphins/Colts, and Browns/Texans. Mark also has the bad luck of walking into the holy buzzsaw known as KIRK COUSINS!
Kirk is going to need to work his magic because Derek’s dynamic duo Ja’Marr Chase and Christian Watson face good secondaries and Tyler Allgeier will be facing the Rams and dealing with a newly installed rookie QB. I really want to pick an upset here because Mark has the better matchups but I’ve learned that you simply don’t cross against Kirk Cousins.
PICK: DEREK