Week 6 Predictions

GAME OF THE WEEK

Player #14 vs Brendan
In a battle of chaotic evil vs. lawful evil, Eli’s babadook has jumped out to an early lead but Player #14, who rumor has it could become the next White House press secretary, has a lot of nice matchups this week. This game could feature the two highest scorers of the week. The wild card here is, what are the consequences for James Cook’s fumbles? If Ray Davis eats into his carries, the Veep will have a tough time keeping up with his idol. This is a nail-biter but I just can’t pick against Stafford and Bijan right now.
PICK: BRENDAN

BATTISTA’S DUD OF THE WEEK

Eli vs. Dana
When it’s Saturday morning and neither team has a full starting roster, you know this is a game that you won’t see much on Red Zone. Eli was already down an IDP but he found the prospect of adding Kenny Gainwell so enticing that he dropped his kicker. El Davis Blanco is still starting Ollie Gordon in his Flex spot but maybe he was waiting for Rashee Rice to be ruled out so he can move him to IR to add a replacement.
Eli could pull off the Mendo Special (see the writeup for Brett’s game) but it’ll be tough because two of his key players are playing Sunday night.
This is just an ugly game but Darnold’s turd of a performance on Thursday probably cements that Eli will come out on top in the battle of the Vegas roommies.
PICK: ELI

THE REST

Yurk vs Colin
This is runner-up for game of the week. I’d say this one could come down to the kickers but a) kickers suck and b) every time I write that it might come down to the kickers, the team who has the highest scoring kicker loses. Colin lit a fire under Javonte Williams this week by placing him on the trading block. Or maybe that’s a sign of locker room issues that we don’t know about yet. Clay has a shot but I feel like injuries and bye weeks are going to keep him from pulling off the upset. I also simply can’t pick Aaron Rodgers over Mr. Hailee Steinfeld.
PICK: COLIN

Bernie vs Andy
This was almost my Upset of the Week but Bernie just has too much depth. Maye, Tuten, and McBride’s matchups make me nervous but even if they struggle, Bernie’s got Chuba, Olave, and London to pick up the slack. A healthy DJ Moore might have swung this back in Andy’s favor but, right now, he and Luther Burden are wild cards that I don’t want to have anything to do with.
PICK: BERNIE

Mark vs Nate
Mark, who doesn’t have a new name yet this week but maybe the joy of renaming teams has passed, has a decent roster in terms of name recognition but man, they are not good. After 5 weeks, Mark is somehow almost 100 points behind the next worst team. He’s 300 points behind the league leader Nico. His only chance this week is if Jayden Daniels puts up an absolute stinker against the Niners (and that stinker also drags down Touchdown Terry McLaurin.) That could happen but even if it does, Nate’s other guys have great matchups. I think Mark has a shot but right now, you just can’t pick him.
PICK: NATE

The Gentleman vs. Grant
This matchup might be over before the 10 o’clock games even start. The not-so-vaunted Texans duo of CJ Stroud and Nico Collins play the Jags in London and their performance is probably the key to this matchup. Jordan Love against the woeful Dallas defense gives The Gentleman hope but there are just too many guys with low floors starting for The Corner Boys to go with them this week.
PICK: THE YEP NOPES

Nico vs. Rahul
First off, kudos to Rahul for once again standing up to the state TV masquerading as a friendly neighborhood podcast and keeping his name that speaks truth to power. Rahul is truly the Macklemore of this league. He’s also the Macklemore of this league because he seems to have compiled his team from a thrift shop and Nico is probably happy to face him during the week when half of his draft budget aka Jahmyr Gibbs is on bye.
While Dallas’s defense is terrible, is it really start two Green Bay running backs against them bad? Maybe I’m biased against Pierre Strong Jr. because he’s a former Patriots bust but I think he could be a big swing and a miss this week. That being said, Nico is starting two Titans, which even the Titans themselves would rather not do. Watson has this as an almost 30 point win for Nico; I think it’s going to be much closer but I’m going to say that Purdy and Kyren along with Eddy Piniero and Nico’s defense will keep Babytown frolicking this week and maintan their perfect record.

Brett vs. Pizza Sheets
One of my pet peeves is when a player update on ESPN or Yahoo says you should sell high on a player. If everyone in a league can click on a name and see it’s time to move a guy, it kills his value. So I’m not going to say that Brett should sell high on JK Dobbins, coming off of back-to-back touchdown days. Brett seems to be pulling a gambit that hasn’t been done since I did it to Andy a few years ago - waiting until the late games to see if you need to have a full roster to beat your opponent. I was able to defeat Slim Shady without a third IDP player but this one might be too close for Brett to not start a kicker.
I’m going to hold off until Sunday morning for this pick to see who is starting at QB for the Sheet heads but right now I’m leaning towards Brett in his buddy battle. EDIT - We’re sticking with Brett.
PICK: BRETT

Johnny vs. Derek
KIRK. COUSINS.
PICK: JOHNNY