WEEK 14 PICKS!

A rushed picks article as I try to get it in before Thursday Night Football.

GAME OF THE WEEK

ELI vs JOHNNY
Up for grabs - a playoff spot versus an undefeated season. The blog jinx only lasted a week it seems, as Amon-Ra St. Brown is active tonight. Does Eli noticed this and start him or will he be forced to potentially drop a player to add a third IDP (I assume he was waiting to see if Amon-Ra would play and if he could put him on the IR or waive Teslaa.) But seriously, Eli only having ONE major injury is pretty amazing and it’s wild that he’s going to go the rest of the season without dealing with another key guy going down.
Neither team has great matchups; Watson has this as a low scoring affair. Johnny’s playoff chances rest on the sore shoulder of Baker Mayfield and his stack with Emeka Egbuka. I’d say Egbuka hit the rookie wall but, in reality, the decline started in week 6. Week 14 brings the Saints who could be too bad for Johnny’s liking as the Bucs could lean on their run game.
The most interesting result is an Eli win, to keep his undefeated streak headed into the playoffs and more teams being alive for the 7th playoff spot but there’s just something that is keeping me from making that pick.
PICK: JOHNNY

THE BERNIE BOWL BOWLS

Not to be confused with former NBA player Bol Bol, the Bernie Bowl Bowls are the two games that will determine who takes home the crystal next year.

PLAYER #14 vs BRETT
Another low scoring affair that doesn’t seem like it should be a battle of any importance, this game is tough to predict as Brett’s facing a trio of injuries in his starting lineup. Although the injuries might not matter as The Veep is facing much better matchups this week. He also gets JJ McCarthy back, or rather Justin Jefferson does. JJ’s not great but the difference between him and Max Brosmer seems like the difference between stepping in shit and falling fast first into shit. Granted, The Veep might be into fecal play so he won’t get that comparison but everyone else knows what I mean.
PICK: PLAYER #14

COLIN vs ANDA
If the winner of the game above wants to win the Bernie Bowl, he needs Colin to win this game and hold onto second place. And before last week, this seemed like a walk in the part but the newly rejuvenated Anda Wooster is on the prowl! Anda tasted victory and like a shark that has gotten the taste for human flesh, he wants more! And he’s got some good matchups this week. The downside is that Drake Maye is on bye. Colin has the clearly better lineup but, besides Josh Allen vs. Cincy, he doesn’t have the greatest matchups. And Amon-Ra being active could affect Jameson Williams. You know what, I’ve doubted Colin all year and I just think that Wooster’s squad has more shots at boom games. Josh Allen could singlehandedly prove me wrong, yet again, but I’m going to hope for win so Anda can leave on a winning note and have a little hope for next year, which would help bring back the pod.
And with a loss, Colin’s current point lead will likely earn him the Bernie Bowl! All he had to do was fleece his own flesh and blood out of Ja’Marr Chase to win it!
PICK: ANDA

THE PLAYOFF HUNT

BERNIE vs THE GENTLEMAN
Johnny losing is the best chance for Rahul and The Gentleman to sneak in the playoffs. If he wins, then the playoff question becomes which of the 7 - 6ers won’t make the playoffs. Bernie controls his own fate and is a heavy favorite this week. But Watson also said I’d be the best team in the league so fuck AI. What’s really a twist of the knife for The Gentleman is that Bernie has the squad he was aiming to build. Three strong RBs and punt on QB. Bernie actually bested my plan as I was hoping to get one top WR but The Snake Pit features two top 10 receivers in Drake and Davante. I spent too much Vegas time on the wrong double-Ds! Both teams have plus matchups down the line so this should be the highest scoring game of the week but I think that the Achane, Judkins, Chase Brown trio is going to snuff out The Gentleman’s hopes.
PICK: BERNIE

MARK vs DEREK
Mark was able to move up a spot last week, after Johnny’s loss, but he still doesn’t have any room for error. A loss and a Brendan win would put him out of the second season. Luckily for Mark, he faces Derek, the current holder of last place. Derek would probably be desperate to win if he knew the Last Place Punishment was running the draft board but I have a feeling that info may not have gotten to him. Derek also doesn’t have TreVeyon Henderson this week and he has a slew of banged up buckaroos. On the bright side, he’s not starting Tyjae Spears anymore. I think that Bucky Irving and Kenneth Walker are going to need to carry Derek out of the cellar and I just don’t think they have it in them.
PICK: MARK

JUSTIN vs BRENDAN
In this cinematic experience of a season, this is the part of the movie when the villain gets overconfident and his haughtiness eventually leads to his demise. And nothing says overlooking your opponent like picking up a guy in Jayden Reed who is on the IR and hasn’t gotten a full practice in since Week 1. On the other side, Bernie brought to my attention that Yurk picked up Sirvocea Dennis and who would be better to take down The Brendandook than a nerdy looking mother fucker who has let people down all season. When he was called into battle, he failed. Now he has a shot at redemption. This is also would be the biggest upset of the week. All fantasy football factors point to Brendan winning this and hoping that one of the other 7 - 6ers loses, opening up a spot in the playoffs but the story is set-up too perfectly for me to think we won’t have a Hollywood ending. Of course, The Brendandook making the playoffs and The Champ falling to last place despite being 4th in points would truly make this year a horror show, which it kind of has been. Bring on 2026!
PICK: JUSTIN

RAHUL vs DANA
In a game that doesn’t seem to matter much at all unless all of the 7 - 6ers and The Gentleman lose, we have Rahul - who claims he doesn’t care about the season anymore - and Dana, who has been near the bottom of the pack all season but (I believe) has immunity from the last place penalty. Rahul’s disinterest in the running back position rears its ugly head as he’s starting Samaje Perine, unless he changes his mind and goes with Denver’s backup running back and former Family Matters star, Jaleel McLaughlin. (It was the UK version of Family Matters.)
Random stat: I thought Caleb Williams was having a good year but his QB ratings are awful and his completion percentage is one of the worst amongst starting QBs. Anyway, Caleb also has a tough matchup against Green Bay and Dana’s matchups in general are bad (while Rahul’s are good) so no need to spend any more time writing about this game.
PICK: RAHUL