Week 13 Picks!

Thanksgiving! I’d say Happy Thanksgiving but we now know that isn’t possible as it’s yet another week with no podcast. Anda didn’t even take the opportunity this week to give us his review of “Age of Disclosure”, the #1 movie on Amazon!

But the written word remains! Although I’ve got shit to do so this is a kind of rushed entry.

This week will also double as a WHERE’S THE ACTION?! post. The trade deadline is November 28th! The Gentleman is going to give his recommendations for trade targets. Proceed at your own risk (or reward!)

GAME OF THE WEEK

COLIN vs JOHNNY
This is pretty much a must win for Johnny. If he loses this week, he could fall into a tie for the final playoff spot and he faces the undefeated Borts in Week 14. The Gentleman has been kicking the tires on some trade offers for The Sneaker Pimp but hasn’t pulled the trigger yet. Johnny has Courtland Sutton and DJ Moore riding the pine; they are solid trade pieces but not THAT enticing given their feast-or-famine results.
Colin is in a similar standings situation - two losses could mean no playoffs for Uncle Rico - but one win should be enough as he’s currently sitting on a 100+ point lead over Rahul. I’m not sure there’s a trade out there for Rico unless someone makes a tempting 2-for-1 deal for Saquon Barkley. Or maybe Colin pulls out whatever pictures he has on Derek again and gets Rashee Rice for Calvin Austin III.
As for this week’s game, I have to side with Watson on this one - Colin’s lineup and matchups seem to make him the heavy favorite. I don’t love Rhamondre Stevenson as a FLEX especially since Josh McDaniels doesn’t know how to call plays within the 10. You have TreVeyon Henderson and Rhamondre; why are you giving Terrell Jennings red zone carries?! That being said, Rhamondre got the call to close the game out last week, which was odd given his penchant for fumbling. Either way, I think he gets more carries than he did last week and possibly hit paydirt.
PICK: COLIN

NAIL BITER OF THE CENTURY

Tells women to “Take it easy” and “smile more”

It doesn’t get much closer than this! The Veep said that this is the closest game in the history of sports. Any sport. Any era. You can’t get closer! Many people are saying this could be the greatest game in fantasy football history and anyone who disagrees is a piggy dumb-dumb traitor and an ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE1

On the trade front, I feel like Player #14 might be hesitant to trade again after he dealt Josh Jacobs for a J Jetta who is now catching passes from a guy (pictured right) who looks like the third male lead in a CW rom-dram. He’s definitely playing the “nice guy” who turns out to be the biggest creep in school. And you wouldn’t even have to change his name. Max Brosmer? There’s no way that dude’s not a douche.

The Curse of Brosmer also affects Rahul as probably his best trade asset (that he is willing to part with) is Jordan Addison (which is the name of the lead chick in the aforementioned CW show) who is now the #2 option for UNH’s finest.

I still think Rahul has a shot at the playoffs but he needs to take down The Veep this week to boost those odds. And I do not like The Veep’s matchups this week (besides Etienne.) Rahul’s aren’t great either but Lamar and Zay have the Bengals defense so that could be enough. Rahul is also going with late breaker Chimere Dike (which reads like how Player #14 would drunkenly beckon a lesbian over but, no Veep, that’s not how it’s pronounced.)
PICK: RAHUL

THE OTHER GAMES

DEREK vs THE GENTLEMAN
The Gentleman is open for business! George Kittle, Brock Purdy, Garrett Wilson (if any playoff teams want to roll the dice), Breece or Bijan, they’re all available. The Corner Boys need to win both of their games and get a lot of help but we’re not giving up!
Derek is out of the playoffs but is ready to put the final nail the The Gentleman’s coffin. I think the Raiders have given up so I think the Herbert/Gadsden stack could do some damage. And I’d take Rome Odunze and Rashee Rice over Christian Watson and a suddenly questionable Chris Olave. Now, The Gentleman’s guys could go off at any moment and, after last week, they’re all due for some touchdowns but, alas, I don’t think I’m willing to bet on that.
PICK: DEREK

ELI vs. BRETT
#1 vs. #2 (well, tied for second). The Commish is up to his dirty tricks again! Last week, he had Tee Higgins pretend to get concussed at the end of the game so he’d miss this week’s matchup. I am VERY surprised that The Commish didn’t suspend Jauan Jennings for his antics at the end of the game but, after being called out by the blog, Eli was probably wary of pulling the same trick twice in a row.
If I may throw a jinx out there, not only has Eli done a great job drafting and managing his squad (Germaine Pratt could be a game-chancing pickup this last in the season) but he has had the best injury luck of any team this year., He had a lot of guys with injury flags - Taylor, Waddle, Pittman, and even Derrick Henry was coming off of a high usage season - yet here they are making it through the entire season without a scratch. Kudos to Eli! Job well done! We might as well call the season because there’s no way this could all fall apart.
Now that I got that out there, it feels like it will take a jinx to get Eli a loss this week. Brett’s weekend rests on Isaiah Pacheco and Kenneth Gainwell and while they have nice matchups, I still can’t pick them.
PICK: ELI

JUSTIN vs ANDA
The matchup between “NEVER SURRENDER!” and “Is it over yet?”, The Champ looks to continue his late season run while Anda probably only logs into ESPN when he’s got nothing else to read while taking a dump. If only something could wipe this season away like the cool stream of a Todo bidet. The perfect Black Friday pickup for the whole family!
Justin’s 123 Kids - Stafford (QB1), McCaffrey (RB2), and Ferguson (TE3) - have lousy matchups, so much so that Jake’s been benched for Mark Andrews. On the other side, I fear that Drake Maye’s matchups is so good that the Patriots will end up running the ball for most of the game while the Packers might be forced to throw more than run in order to keep up with the Lions.
As for trades, meh. I offered one to Anda just so he’d still feel like he’s part of the crew. If Justin does feel like making a run at the points title, he could consider dealing Christian McCaffrey, who has his bye next week. I’m sure that could also give us some late season fireworks and perhaps, just maybe, a crazy McCaffrey trade could get us another podcast!
PICK: JUSTIN

DANA vs MARK
People should be making offers to Dana for Joe Burrow. There are a few teams that could use him.
Mark holds onto the 7th playoff seed but there’s little room for error. And, as noted in the Week 12 review, Mark could look to acquire someone to fill his second FLEX spot before the trade deadline. Omarion Hampton coming back also throws a bit of a wrinkle into the mix.
Can Dana continue to play the spoiler?
Probably not. Carolina’s secondary is in shambles so Puka should have a big game. I feel like both Love and Gibbs could go off on Thanksgiving and Marvin Harrison Jr. is still recovering from a surgery (it’s funny how fantasy experts seem surprised by this when appendix surgery has a 2 - 4 recovery for any strenuous activity, nevermind playing NFL football) so The Michael Wilson Era continues in Arizona.
PICK: MARK

BERNIE vs BRENDAN
CAN THE SNAKE TAKE DOWN THE BRENDANDOOK?! Brendan can’t lose if he wants to keep his playoff hopes alive and he’s going to have to beat the odds this week as his team doesn’t have the greatest matchups and Bernie is Watson’s second highest scorer of the week. I’m a little nervous about Judkins against the Niners but beyond that, even Bernie’s bad matchups on paper are better than they look - Davante Adams goes up against the aforementioned undermanned Panthers’ secondary. Bernie is trying to even things up by starting Curtis Robinson, a 27 year old who got his first NFL start last week and will now always remember the 2 fantasy points he got. Maybe trading Keenan Allen for an IDP should be on Bernie’s radar. In fact, I’m going to go make an offer right now!
PICK: BERNIE