Week 8 Picks Review

Real football saw a week of blowouts but The Vegas League saw some real squeakers that could still go either way should there be any stat corrections.

BERNIE vs ELI - PICK: ELI / WINNER: ELI
For a half, it looked like Bernie could be the one to upend The Commish but then Patrick Mahomes woke up and it was a wrap. Eli’s lack of faith in Jaylen Waddle continues to amaze but he’s made a couple of great FA pickups in Harold Fannin and Woody Marks. Word is that McBarge will be getting Puka back for the grudge match against the league’s second best podcaster.
As for Bernie, it was a tough loss as he second highest score of the week. But, on the bright side, he did that without Drake London and Davante Adams while Quinshon Judkins left his game early due to an injury that sounds like he should be recovered from after their bye week this week. It also looks like Joe Flacco has revived Chase Brown’s fantasy season.

BRENDAN vs RAHUL - PICK: BRENDAN / WINNER: BRENDAN
I don’t think Lamar Jackson would have mattered. Brendan had a down week from the Dak/CeeDee stack but nothing really matters when your opponent farts out 68.1 points. Kirk Cousins is a DeShaun Watson away from being the worst contract in the NFL. Bill’s days as the lead rusher for the Commies should be over. Cam Skattebo getting hurt isn’t as big of an issue since Rahul wisely held onto Tyrone Tracy Jr.. The cherry on top of the turd Sunday was Rahul picking up Terrel Bernard, who didn’t play. I hesitate to talk too much smack about Rahul right before we have our matchup and he’s also getting Jaxon Smith-Njigba back and perhaps Lamar and Nico Collins as well. Also, ultimately, this was a good win for the league because it keeps the threat of Brendan hovering over Eli. Can someone pay one of the neighborhood kids to dress up as Brendan for Halloween?

PLAYER #14 vs JOHNNY - PICK: JOHNNY / WINNER: PLAYER #14
Breaking News: Fresh off of the Terry Rozier/Chauncey Billups arrests, a new point shaving scandal has arisen. There are murmurs of a caucasian conspiracy in this game as The Veep’s white guys scored 54.2 and the team with the Spanish name mustered just 14.9. That made all the difference in this low scoring affair. One hopes that The Commish will launch an investigation in this clear violation of the standards of fairness. The Veep reportedly has issued a statement, “The only fairness we’re concerned about is the fairness of skin! White is right!”
This was a disappointing end of Johnny’s win streak and he now has to pick up a QB for Week 9 as Baker is on a bye. But hopefully, the week off will right whatever’s hampering Emeka Egbuka who hasn’t been the same since he injured his hammy.

THE GENTLEMAN vs MARK - PICK/WINNER: THE GENTLEMAN
I’m hoping this win holds up and that the stat correction gods don’t rip this one from me. I was so dismayed by the Sunday Night game that I totally screwed up my Fantasy Basketball draft. I thought the game was going to come down my inexplicably prioritizing Talanoa Hufanga over JD Bertrand. (I’m sure Player #14 just read that and yelled, “WHITE IS RIGHT!”) I also never should have doubted Christian Watson, who stepped right in to drop double-digits. To think, the podcast mocked me for not dropping him.
Mark put together a strong lineup to almost overcome his Byemageddon. For all of the crap I got for dropping Juaun Jennings, the worst drop of the season might be Chase McLaughlin. Although can Mark hold onto him this week during the Bucs bye? Can the rested McBarge spoil The Commish’s undefeated season?

JUSTIN vs DEREK - PICK: JUSTIN / WINNER: DEREK
REDEMPTION FOR DEREK! Well, kind of. Justin Herbert blew up on Thursday night but Deebo could only muster 3.7 points. But Oronde Gadsden looks like a great pickup and Isaiah Davis seems like he has a real role in New York and could be a nice find if Breece Hall does get dealt. The Double Rs (Rome and Rashee) are a top notch WR duo; Sadat X’s lineup is starting to come together.
As for The Champ, well, it’s going to be Jim James on repeat for the rest of the season. Touchdown Terry hurt his hammy again. Christian McCaffrey is being force fed the ball but doesn’t have the same zip as he did last season and could be getting worn down. Justin better start wearing the championship belt as much as possible because it’s going somewhere else next year.

COLIN vs DANA - PICK: COLIN / WINNER: COLIN
Not a good week for the Caleb/Jeudy for Breece Hall trade. At least, Ladd McConkey established his dominance over early season hero Quinton Johnson. Johnson was one of two donuts that Colin rostered this week yet he still managed 138 points. 2024 Saquon showed up finally. He, Josh. Javonte, and Tucker Kraft were all that Uncle Rico needed to secure this victory. But Ja’Marr Chase threw up another 15.1 to remind his brother of what a mistake it was to trade him. Chase has 42 targets since Joe Flacco took over… TWO GAMES AGO! Also, how does a team named Sadat X trade Lord Ja’Marr? Next year, I demand that Derek end up with Chase and Grand Puka to reform Brand Nubian.

ANDY vs BRETT - PICK: BRETT / WINNER: BRETT
It’s was almost One Shady Motha’s One Shining Moment but, alas, it wasn’t meant to be as Isiah Pacheco’s 5.8 vs Matthrew Golden’s 1.9 made all the difference in this one. And people questioned The Gentleman’s take on that trade. Drake Maye heard his name in trade rumors and put up one of his best games of the season in hope that some other team will trade for him and save him from this crumbling franchise. Even Myles Garrett felt bad for Drake having to watch these peak performances go to waste.
Brett needs to hope all of my trash talking hasn’t upset the stat correction gods but it looks like a gutsy victory for the Booty Slappers. Brendan and Brett will battle it out for the chance to go over .500 next week and possibly squeak into the playoffs. I’m still not wild about Brett’s chance but if Malik Washington can continue to improve, it’ll give the Thick Cakes a fighting chance.