Week 2 Predictions

GAME OF THE WEEK

NICO vs YURK
This is kind of a no brainer for Game of the Week as it is one of two matchups of undefeated teams and is currently ESPN’s highest predicted points total of the week but I almost disqualified it because it’s a game that could come down to the kickers. And NOBODY wants that (nobody except, unfortunately, the vast majority of this league.)
These two teams seem evenly matched - I think the 9.7 spread on this one is out of whack - with Yurk potentially having the upper hand at QB (I think San Fran could dominate Miami, which might limit Purdy’s passing attempts whereas I think the Saints should be able to keep up with Baltimore like they did with Detroit last week) and WR (I don’t trust any of the starting WRs but at least Yurk has an actual #1 receiver in Evans in one of his two spots.) Flexes Kyren Williams and Tee Higgens could both be in for big games. Nico gains the upper hand at RB with Jahmyr Gibbs looking like he’s in a potential smash spot, facing a team that just gave up three TDs to his former running mate, David Montgomery.
My initial pick was Nico because of Gibbs but after typing this up, I’m questioning that pick. Is KC’s defense really as good as they looked on Monday Night Football? JT is a different beast than JK. And early season, healthy Lamar Jackson is always tough to bet against.
Which brings us to the kickers and, as Bass and Bates face-off in what should be a high scoring affair, the issue isn’t even the kickers; it’s which coach will actually settle for field goals instead of going for it on 4th down. And in that case, NOBODY hates sending kickers out more than Dan Campbell.
If this was a Confidence pool, this game would be lowest on my list but I’m going to go with the upset and give this one to Clay Says Shiit Shiiiiiiiiiiiit (although both teams should be in the Top 9).

UPSET OF THE WEEK

MARK vs. BRETT
I don’t know how Mark is favored in this one. (I also don’t know why the line for every game this week is 106.2) Bo Nix and Jaylen Waddle looked terrible and are playing an arguably tougher defense this week. Chase Brown is facing Houston’s defense which is probably amped up to make up for a lousy week 1. McConkey is banged up. Loveland has a tough matchup with Minnesota and may need to block more than usual. And the IDP aren’t all that inspiring. Meanwhile, Brett’s Hurts/Smith stack has an easy matchup with Tennessee. Matthew Golden could connect on a deep ball against the Jets’ leaky secondary. The RBs are a little worrisome with Breece against Green Bay and JK against the Jags but I feel like Evan McPherson should have another big week. I’m not sure K-KEL, INC. will deliver enough to get a Top 9 win but I’m pretty confident that they’ll do enough to send Mark to an 0 - 4 start.

Side note: Player #14 proves yet again the eternal truth that conservatives aren’t funny as the only thing he could come up with for Mark’s team name was a dated reference to a John Mayer song. And let’s be real, The Veep probably only remembers John Mayer because he’s still upset that Mayer was canceled for saying the N-word in a Rolling Stone interview.

BATTISTA’S DUD OF THE WEEK

ELI vs. RAHUL
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. And Rahul too! This used to be a marquee, prime time matchup and now it’s a game that would probably air on Fubo. But a fall from grace hasn’t stopped Rahul from playing some mind games; he has benched his entire team so Eli won’t know how to plan his fantasy defense. Or maybe he’s just forcing all of his players to earn their spot in practice this week. Will it work? Will anyone care?
This is actually a sneaky good matchup for both squads. A banged up Burrow vs. Houston probably has Eli hating his single QB rule but besides that, Hampton & Johnston vs. the Raiders has some potential, Pickens could have a bounceback game against the Commies crappy cornerbacks, Bill Croskey-Merritt (this guy needs a real nickname) could hit paydirt against the Cowboys. For Rahul, Patty Mahomes faces an Indy defense that just got lit up by Baltimore. Saquon faces the terrible Titans. And Jordan Mason heading to the IR means Aaron Jones becomes the bellcow for the Vikings against the porous Bears defense.
Unfortunately for Rahul, the rest of his supporting cast isn’t looking great and Eli definitely has the better matchups which will likely help The Fighting Borts get off the schneid and pick up their first W of the season. The one good thing Rahul has going for him is that if he loses, he gets to keep his team name and, like his idol Macklemore, speak truth to power.

DEREK vs. BERNIE
Two duds of the week?! Already in Week 2? Yes, sir. This game is one bad matchup after another from players I don’t really have much faith in in the first place. It might come down to Chris Olave against Bernie’s beloved birds and Christian Watson vs. the Jets. I questioned Bernie’s IDP pickups but, hey, at least they aren’t questionable to play like the guy Derek just picked up. I’m confident that neither of these teams will pick up a Top 9 win. I’m less confident in the heads up matchup but I’m going to roll with Sadat X picking up the W.

THE REST

NATE vs JOHNNY
RENAME THE TEAM, JOHNNY! When Johnny wins, I think he needs to keep whatever name Grant chose until Thursday or Friday or a week from whenever he ends up adopting the new name. I apologize if the reason for the lack of a name change is because Grant is still workshopping name ideas. PICK A NAME, GRANT! Player #14 has set a low bar for Grant to clear so there’s no reason to take this long to decide. But apologies to Grant if he has chosen a name and Johnny hasn’t made the change yet. In which case, please refer to the first sentence of this write-up.
Besides the reason for the lack of a name change, the biggest question for this game is “Do we think either guy knows how to place a player on the IR?” I’m voting no with Nate since he’s had Charbonnet on his active roster since the draft despite him never being a threat to play Week 1 or 2. Johnny’s injury is a new one and there’s a world in which maybe he outright drops De'Zhaun Stribling, who is reportedly out 10 weeks, but I feel like this isn’t the first time I wondered about him and the IR spot.
As for the game, this could be the blowout of the week. Jayden Daniels and Terry McLaurin are going to need to come up big or there’s a risk of a name change here. Or maybe Greg Rousseau continues to put up 20+ points to lead the Practice Squad to a non-50 point loss. But I’m expecting double-digit games from every offensive player on The Team That Still Needs to Be Renamed and an easy double dub for Mr. Monnette.

DANA vs. GRANT
Does Dana know that the no computer rule was only for the draft? Has he been snail mailing his roster moves to ESPN? It’s week 2 and he’s already got an empty IDP slot and is currently starting a guy who is projected to be out this week. If he manages to set a full roster, I think he has a chance to win. A revenge game for Baker Mayfield, who really should get over it already but he seems like a guy who won’t let a grudge die. The Baker/Egbuka stack could be pretty, pretty nice. Jeanty faces a Chargers defense which seems like it hasn’t improved at all. Rashee Rice faces the defense that let Zay Flowers go crazy. Harold Fannin plays the Bucs who just like Mike Gesicki look like an actual football player. The only real concern on offense is De’Von Achane who faces the Niners.
The IDP spots are going to be key because Grant’s guys have amazing matchups and could put up big numbers. Besides Jared Goff, The Yep Nopes have an offense full of tasty matchups but I’m going to hold off on predicting this game until we know more about Nico Collins. If Collins is out, I think it could swing the entire week in Dana’s favor.

PLAYER #14 vs. MENDO
The other marquee matchup of the week, this battle between undefeated behemoths is another game that I’m unable to predict because of key injuries. My guess is that this is yet another example of how mid-week red Q’s mean nothing nowadays but Zay Flowers and D’Andre Swift getting red flagged is a potential game changer. At full strength, I would probably give Vanceinyourpants the nod as he has better matchups and, well, mostly better players, but some injury luck could give The Gentleman his second heads-up victory of the year.

ERIC vs COLIN
The #1 and #2 fantasy QBs face off in this one but I’m loyal to my former Patriots. Vikings DC Brian Flores came up with New England so I’m going to root for him to slow down Caleb and the Bears. On the flip side, I don’t see Detroit’s defense containing Josh Allen. Xavier Worthy vs. Khalil Shakir might be my least favorite Flex matchup of the week. Eric needs to bench the injured Myles Garrett but his D-Line centric IDP plan might work out again in Week 2 as Maxx and Hines-Allen should be able to get to Herbert and Nix. Will it be enough to take down Colin? I think not. Colin won’t put up the gaudy numbers he did last week but Uncle Rico’s RuffNecks should score enough to land another two win week.

ANDY vs. BRENDAN
Christian McCaffrey vs. Kaelon Black! The better of these two would usually be a no brainer but against Miami? There’s a good chance that McCaffrey sits the entire second half. I also think, as good as Bucky Irving looked last week, the game against the Browns could feature Kenny Gainwell more. Brendan went studs and scrubs and I like the matchups his studs have so I’m going with Thee Gospel to send Andy to his first L of the season. FantasyPros ranks this as the matchup of the #1 and #4 teams this week and while I don’t believe either team will take home the top scorer prize, I think they should both be able to muster a Top 9 finish.

COSTCO’S EXECUTIVE PLATINUM TITANIUM TOP 9: Brendan, Andy, Colin, Johnny. Nico, Yurk, Jeff, Mendo, Brett